Although, it was so hard to let her go, and yes, I did cry a few nights, I survived, not that I am in any hurry for her to leave again! Regan did great, she is going to be fine.She is a brave, independent young lady, who has some courageous ideas for her life,and I applaud her!
As always with my children, I feel like everything I do or give them is a learning experience for them,and as always, I am usually the one being taught! I know it was harder for me to let her go, than for most parents. I won't deny that I keep my kids close to me, and to home. After growing up in the environment that I did, I probably have become too overprotective,wanting to shield them from any harm or pain.I am learning that this is an impossible task, even for me. I will not always be with them, to help them make good decisions, or keep them from harm. All I can do is give them the tools and resources that they need, along with all of my love and support.
Letting Regan go on this trip was a big step for...... Me. I have learned a lot about myself this past week. I am stronger than I think,when it comes to my children. This trip helped me to become aware that they will all be growing up and moving out. It made me think about how important it is for me to continue to have an independent identity of myself. I don't want to wake up one day , my kids out of the house, and then wonder what is left for me. I LOVE my kids, however, I was a woman,and a wife first. And guess what? I will still be a woman and a wife last!
As mother's we throw ourselves into raising our children, we place their needs, wants and desires above our own. We sometimes even place them above our spouses'! I understand now the importance of cultivating my relationship with my husband, and finding interests of my own. As parents we need to remember that time goes so fast, and our children do not belong to us.We only have a short amount of time to prepare, train and influence them for their lives. If we have done our jobs right, they will leave, build lives, have careers and start families of their own! For so long I have dwelled on the fact that they will "leave" me, when in reality, that's a selfish burden to place on them for growing up! I need to keep it into perspective. They are not "leaving" me, they are leaving their childhood behind to become adults. It took me this week to recognize the difference. I now know that I was never really afraid for them to leave home, I was afraid of what my future looked like without them. I wonder how many other mother's feel this way?
So, where does that leave a mother who has dedicated her life to her children? If I am not careful, I will not know where I belong. I will not know how to face that season of my life. I have learned this week, that I need to start exploring and doing some preparing of my own. I need to look at my life, and reflect on what I want for myself in the next 10 years, as my children become adults. I need to find that "me", that was "me" before "them". I need to continue to grow, towards the woman that I am to become, not when they leave, but while they are still here. I am not going to wait for the last one to leave,I am going to start now, so that when they do leave, I will be ready to help them pack!
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