Memaw and Popop.. Setting the Example!

Today, we celebrated my mother and father in law's birthdays! We celebrated Memaw(86) a few days late and Popop(82) a few days early.I made them a homemade vanilla cream cheese cake with the help of Liam! I wanted them to know how much they mean to me, and there is really no other present I can get them, accept my time. I realize after all these years a cake is a small feat, however, with how busy I get, I wanted to show them that I still will make time for them,and that they are very important to me, more so than a busy schedule.
Memaw and Popop have been married 60+ years! They have raised two children and have bee completely involved with all five of their grandchildren's lives.They are the matriarchs of the Gary clan. When I first met them 23 years ago, I must admit, I thought they were a little more than goofy,with their ideas on family, love, marriage, and even God.  Every time one of the grand kids did something, we were having a celebration. Every time you had a meal, you actually prayed before and sometimes even sang! You always had to listen to old stories of the Captain growing up, or of the ice cream shop where Memaw had her first job, or how they met while Memaw was sitting at a piano at Bethany  College! I mean their was actual conversations going on with each other at the dinner table, not to mention we were sitting at an actual dinner table. Not growing up in a traditional home, I thought this all so bizarre!
However,after a few years of dating the Captain, I knew this was EXACTLY want I wanted for my own family one day. Over the years, they have loved me, embraced me, and taught me about life. They have accepted me as their own daughter, not a daughter in law,They have included me as a part of not just their family, but also their life.
Memaw and Popop are the couple you imagine when you are getting ready to say "I Do". They are the dream you have of growing old with the one you love. They are the picture in your mind,of what true love looks like. They are an example of what christian love and marriage should be.
 In the 23 years I have been in this family, I have watched Popop love, honor and cherish his bride. I have witnessed Memaw care, support and encourage her groom. You see they are HOPE, that not all promises are broken. They are ENCOURAGEMENT, that love can last forever, as long as you don't give up on it. They are JOY, that we can find our happily ever after.
The world needs more Memaw's and Popop's, more examples of positive marriages, more examples of love, grace and humility. I hope one day when the Captain and I are turning 82 and 86 that we will look back on our life, and have left a legacy such as this.
Happy Birthday Memaw and Popop, thank you for being such a blessing in my life, thanks for loving me and thanks for your beautiful marriage. Today, you should be receiving the gifts, but I find that I am the one who got the greatest gift.. Thank you for raising the Captain to be a Godly man, for setting the bar high, and giving us an example of a great marriage!

A Month of Blessings

This month, with the onset of homeschooling, has gotten pretty overwhelming. Add cross country practice and baseball, violin lessons, home school PE(starting next week!) and 1 day a week enrichment school! Whew, I'm tired just writing it all down. Yes, we home-school our children, however, I use the term "home" loosely!

We have had a great start to a new year, so I am not complaining. Its actually what I believe God has called for our family. What I have to be careful about though, is saying "yes" to everything, trying out too many activities, and slowing our pace down, so that we can not only enjoy the freedoms of homeschooling, but also the benefits of homeschooling.
This month(Sept.) we are going to do a family project together. We are going to make an "Our Family Blessings" book. I am really excited about it, even though I got the usual groans and moans of the kids,"another thing to do?", "really, I don't want to!" Let me call the Whambulance!!!!! Yes, we are creating this wonderful home made family book, and You All will thank me later, maybe much later, way down the road later, but you will thank me.

The idea came to me because, lately on my heart, I feel that we as a society are so consumed with what everyone else has,or does and are so thorough in counting up everyone else's blessings, that we forget to count our own. Then at church on Sunday, I heard about a woman making a blessings diary, and it hit me, we are going to do that as a family. I want my family,I am including myself here, to realize how much we actually have,and how blessed we are on a daily,weekly, monthly and yearly basis. Its a simple idea, we have a book that we design and decorate, and every day each of us will write one thing that  blessed us that day, and one thing we did to bless someone else.I want to teach my children, and remind myself, its not just about receiving the blessing,but more importantly.. its about being a blessing.

 In this day and age, too many young people are growing up with the concept of "its all about me", and instant gratification. I want my children to grow up,  knowing how blessed they are,and to stop comparing what they have or don't have as the measure of success. I want them to know how to live in contentment in the place they are right now, NOT, to be confused with complacence.
There is a difference: contentment is being at peace, and knowing that God has you EXACTLY where he wants you, however, you continue to strive towards your goals, and successes. Complacent is the opposite, where you are so comfortable being in a place, you do not grow or move, and that is not what God calls us to do. If you are not growing, spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally,or even successfully, you are dead.

 I want to teach my children that our blessings, their blessings, will look completely different than any one else's, and why wouldn't it? We are all uniquely made, and our creator knows what is the best for each of us.I also want this to help them  become more aware of the small daily blessings, instead of always looking for the huge,miraculous, ones.I still believe in those, don't get me wrong, however, I don't want them to miss out on the daily ones. I also want to instill in them a desire to give back, to be a blessing to someone else. In this world, we are so programmed be takers,however, there is a need for each of us to give also. We tend to push that unselfish part of our being  down so deep that we can ignore it, and forget about it. But,we were created to give back to our community, our family, the poor, the widowed and the children.When we satisfy that need to give from within, we not only become a blessing to another, the giving act itself, becomes the blessing. In this monthly blessing book, I pray that we each grow more towards a thankful heart. I hope that we each become more aware of our surroundings, that we each can go out of our own comfort zones to help someone else, listen to, care for,and encourage. I want us to grow closer as a family, and learn to put the needs of each other above the needs of ourselves. And I want us to sit back and just watch how amazing our Heavenly Father really is! I can not wait to see how this month goes and I can not wait to share how our lives and hearts are changed:) 

Being Extra Ordinary in an Extraordinary Family...

Every year our family goes to St. George Island, we now consider this place "our island". We stay in a house with all of us, and every year that number grows, as does our family. My family is extraordinary, which is fine except for the fact that I  am not. I am extra ordinary, which is total opposite of extraordinary.When you are emerged in a family with great dynamics, sometimes it can become

very difficult to see where or how you  you "fit".
 I drive a mini van, I live in a modest house, married my college sweetheart, and home school my children. I don't hold a high exec position, I don't have my own program,I don't speak around the world, and  if I were to look at my life this way, then yes, I am extra ordinary related to the extraordinary. Throughout the week, I was feeling that maybe I  needed to do something greater, or bigger so that I could be extraordinary too.. maybe I should stand out more, be outrageous, become famous, or discover a cure,but at the end of the day, I had decided that my simple life was just what is was, extra ordinary. So I started examining my own life,and I thought I would find, extra ordinary me, but when I looked closer, I found extraordinary.
What I have realized is that being extra ordinary, in its own way is extraordinary.I have been happily married to my husband for 18 years(extraordinary), I have been homeschooling my children successfully for 8 years(extraordinary), I have done a tough mudder, 8 triathlons, 1 half marathon and a dozen other races(extraordinary), I have owned my own company(extraordinary), I have written a children's book( extraordinary), I know who I am, but more importantly who I belong to (extraordinary), I have friends who love me(extraordinary) and I am loved and accepted by my entire family(extraordinary).
Maybe  extraordinary doesn't necessarily come from doing or being something great, maybe it comes from doing all of the "extra ordinary" daily things in my life.
It is in my extra ordinary teachings that I do with my children that they will remember. It is in my extra ordinary way I love my spouse, my children, family and friends that they all cherish. It is in the extra ordinary way I work diligently and give it my best that sets an example. It is in my extra ordinary commitment and faithfulness to my Heavenly Father,that becomes my testimony. It is in the extra ordinary way I listen to or encourage someone. You see,it is in my every day, extra ordinary, life that creates my extraordinary! Being extra ordinary is even in the word itself, Extraordinary.
We are all extraordinarily, extra ordinary. God does not create us to be anything less. His plan for my life, may look different from my families, but its His plan that is made perfect for me. Yes, everyone, in my family is extraordinary, even little ole extra ordinary Me!

Picking the Marshmallows

This morning I caught Liam dumping out his favorite cereal,fruit loops with marshmallows. I knew EXACTLY what he was doing. He was searching for his favorite part... the marshmallows. As I was watching him, I thought to myself, wow, I wish I could "dump" out all of my life cereal, and be left with only the marshmallows. You know the"good" stuff. The "sweet" stuff. The"fun" stuff. And leave all the "cereal" where it belongs, sitting in an open box, slightly stale and eventually someone will go by and throw it in the trash.
In his defense when the marshmallows were getting low, or he couldn't find one, he ate the cereal.. Not as enthusiastically, but he ate them nonetheless. He did it part because he saw me watching him, and part because, even at three, he knows that to really get to all the marshmallows, you do have to eat some of the cereal too. To find just the right color or flavor that he so desired, he would have to eat the cereal to get to the bottom of the box.
As an adult, I sat there thinking how simple it would be to leave the "cereal" and pick through the marshmallows of my own life . But, do I really want that? Although I think I would love for my life to only be happy, easy, exciting and fun, would I miss the trials, and tribulations that arise? I don't know. If I left those things behind, would the marshmallows taste as sweet? I believe at times I think and even long for only the "marshmallows", I mean who doesn't? Who wants to go willingly through the pain, struggles and worries that this life offers? I do not know anyone that would elect that over the the other. However, when it comes down to it, I know without the challenges in this life, I would miss the the things that have made it so filling and meaningful.
If I had never had to witness a death of a loved one, I would never know what it means to make every day count. If I had never felt the pain of childbirth, I would never have been blessed with my three children. If I had never known a loved one to struggle with alcohol,or abuse, I would never have learned compassion . If I had never struggled with loss of jobs,or loss of income, I would never have learned to manage my money well. And if I have never had any struggles, or hurts, I would never have had a reason to seek my Heavenly Father.
You see, I would love for my life to be all marshmallows, but if it were, I would have missed out on some key points in my life..These our things that  you don't, and won't find only eating the "sweet" stuff in your life.
At three, I only want Liam to eat the marshmallows, I don't mind. I am here to throw away all the leftover cereal. He deserves his life to be filled with marshmallows, right now. But, I do not wish that for him for the rest of his life. I want him, as for all my children, to fully live and feel this life, and with that you need to eat the cereal. When they are faced with a challenge, and overcome them, it will add growth to their life, but more importantly to their character.
 Next week I will be going to our annual St. George Island trip, with my whole family(aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews). And for this one week, I plan on picking out ALL the marshmallows, and eating only the "sweet" stuff..

Teenage Wasteland

     I am in the throes of teenage-hood. I have lived the past 15 years floating through my life in an enclosed bubble. With homeschooling, and being a stay at home mother, it has been easy for me to control the areas of my kids lives, choose friends, activities etc.
Until, these past few months. Now I know that teenagers need to explore their limits, test the waters, and challenge their boundaries. I know this is God's way of helping us parents, 1-practice our patience, and 2-look forward to them leaving for college! However, is any parent ready for the change that creeps into their structured, neat life? Maybe after the first one has been through these years, it gets easier, not to go through, but, easier to recognize the signs that okay tomorrow is going to be the day that my teenager wakes up and becomes someone I have never met!
     Well, the past few weeks have been such a lesson in life for the Gary family. I am not going into the details of the situation, so for some of you, you will stop reading, because that is what its about. knowing someone else' problems so that it makes yours somehow seem smaller or less significant. Or maybe, so you can judge my parenting or lack their of, and feel puffed up that,"at least that has never happened in our family". So, no the details, are not even a necessity for this post. But, for you curiosity seekers, I will tell you it is probably worse than some of you have dealt with ,and minor compared to what others have endured. This post is about what we have learned as a family, so that maybe all you parents who have not yet traveled down this road may be able to learn something from it, or for those of you who have,"been"there, "done" that ,could remember what it was like and pray for us, knowing this too shall pass.
     1.Do not be so quick to judge another parent for something their teenager has done, is doing or may try.. because most likely you just haven't caught yours yet.
      2.Have all of your teenagers codes, to facebook, instagram, twitter, tumblr, phone,email, and text,but its not just okay to have them, use them,check on them randomly.( also know what all of these are, and keep up with the latest,greatest trend on the internet)
      3.This is the time to have more family time, not less. Family dinners is a great way to ask questions, not the generic, but the hard ,direct questions. However, don't just stop at a dinner, BE a FAMILY, movie nights, board games(yes, they still make them), card games,whatever to engage your teenager, but spend quality time and if you don't have time, MAKE it, this is not an option, its a requirement.
        4. Know their friends, and their friends parents. Have them over ALOT! I know you have to deal with one teenager and now I am asking you to deal with ten, but you need to be involved in knowing what they are up too, how they act, speak, but most importantly they need to know your rules, expectations and beliefs. However, do not include yourself so much, they think you are part of their "group", because you are not their friend, you are the parent,."THE PARENT", they don't want to try and test,and they should be a little scared about.Because, like I tell my teenager, I can do crazy, and I do it really, really well!
        5. Have days that NO ONE is allowed on the internet, including yourselves.We recognized that when we are home, we all have had too much time alone on our computers, phones, ipads, ipods etc. we began to see  how we were all starting to live separate, because lets face it, its easier,when we are all tired and what ever other excuse you got.. This is DANGEROUS, let me repeat DANGEROUS. Too many times that is when your teenager starts slipping away, when they don't have to interact with you on a daily basis, who are they interacting with? If you are not their main influence, who becomes their main influence? that's right their friends, who are stupid teenagers too!
         6. Another thing,the internet can be a wonderful tool, however, most teenagers will and have abused it. There are so many easy ways to access the information on the internet,and there are no filters.The computer should be used in  an area where anyone can walk by and see it. However, with ipods, iphones, and any other smaller device they will have access. You need to teach your children about YOUR rules on the internet , and if that is abused the internet will go away. Yes, we are going to feel like we are being punished also, but I FIRMLY believe, we are in battle with the media, you- tube,and  advertisements that want to expose our kids earlier and earlier to things that are inappropriate, and desensitize them to the way of the "world".
         7. Just because, they are a "good" kid, a "christian" kid, a "straight A student" kid, a "star athlete" kid ,they are still  a teenager, with all the same curiosity,and have all the same peer pressures as any other kid. Do not be fooled and have the "it won't happen to me" syndrome, because it will, unless you can keep them on complete lock down until they are 18(which I did consider)anything that occu their time.
           8. Peer pressure is a real thing. You spend all these years raising your kids, pouring into their lives your values and morals, then they meet one person and in 15 minutes, they have more influence over them than you did. It sucks, but its true. It doesn't mean you stop giving them guidance, it means you fight even harder for them. And if you think its not a fight to keep your teenager from getting through all of this, your a fool. We have to fight for them, now more than ever.
            9. Talk about the hard stuff. Don't be embarrassed to ask the tough questions. Most likely, you will learn more from them, than the other way around. Your kids know about sex, drugs, drinking, and probably in detail(thanks internet) too. Don't let them take the easy way out either, make them look you in the eyes when they are talking about it, educate them and educate them some more.
and the most important thing:
           10. Pray for them daily, ask God for guidance,patience and wisdom. Pray before you talk with them. Do not be reactive, be proactive.  Be their biggest advocate ,be firm. Let them know they can come to you without judgement or condemnation, they need to know its safe to do that. AND Love them, love them  unconditionally,and never give up or become complacent, after all your raising a teenager now, life is just getting interesting!

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Mailbox Meeting #2-Your Best is Not Good Enough

     I ran into H. a few days ago, and just in time too! My daughter is growing up,(ugh!), and I am having a hard time letting go! I want to protect her from everyone, and everything. Which is impossible, I know this in my head, but my heart has not caught up yet!
     So I was pleasantly surprised to run into H. at the mailbox, with lots on my mind, questions and digging for her support on how everything I am "doing" right when it comes to her. I am one of those overly involved mother, is there such a thing? I want to know where she is, who she is with, what she is doing, and when she will be home, back to the safety of my watchful eye! However, I know this is not practical, and yet every part of my body fights to protect her. Regan is a good kid, actually she is a great kid., and she hangs out with great kids.Its just that they are all starting to drive now, and she wants to go so many places. We are in a dilemma  I am not ready to hand her off to just any driver,it really scares me. I am fearful of her getting into the wrong car, with the wrong driver. I am afraid they will be distracted by the radio, the phone or texting.  Raising a teenager is much different than I thought. You no longer only have to worry about trusting yourself with them, but you have to put your trust into them, and the friends they are around. You can't be there for everything they do, first it would be weird, and second they would be committing social suicide!
     Anyway, I was telling H. and asking her advice on letting Regan drive with a friend of hers, and then I proceed to tell her all the reasons why she is not going to do this, or that. I explain about all the "rules" I have in place, and safeguards. I plead my case to her, while she stands there and listens, with a part smile on her face, because she has already been where I am. She looks at me like she has a secret to share and is waiting for an opportune time to tell me. I finally finish, and look to her to congratulate me on how successful I am at being  a parent. However, when she replies, it is not what I expected.
She says,"Brenda, you need to know, your best is not good enough,its never going to be good enough."
 What?? I look to see if she is joking.. My best isn't what? I mean, I get the best parent award, so I am confused. I start to wonder, does she think my standards are too low? Do I need to do more?
and then in true H. fashion, she explains to me this:
     As parents we can do everything we think is right or good, and still bad things will happen.  We cannot protect them from everything, and everybody and that is why we have to give them to Christ, and trust Him to keep them safe. She reminded me, what I had forgotten, that there is someone who loves my daughter more than me, someone perfect. Christ.  However, giving up control, is a very hard concept for me. Trusting completely is even harder.Our best, my best, is never going to be good enough, because we are human and flawed.We cannot see the future, we cannot predict the unpredictable, but Christ can. The most important thing I can do for my daughter, is to pray for her. Daily. Pray for her safety, for her protection, and for her health.
     I think Christ gives us children, so that we can learn from them, see Him through them,but mostly to learn about ourselves, and see where we need improvement in moving towards a Christ centered life.When they are little, it is easy to keep a strong grip on them, to keep the control over their needs and wants, but as they get older, learning how to let go of that control is even harder. However, by doing so, it allows us to give it back to the One who has  been in control all along. It helps us to grow closer to Christ,( I mean have you ever prayed more than at a time when your teenager is coming home at night in someone elses' car!), it makes us rely on the One, who created them.
     As H. and I finished our conversation, I felt lighter.The sole responsibility of my daughters safety is not a burden I have to carry alone. No, I am not ready to say "yes" to everything, I will still be cautious. Rules will still be in place, but I am learning that I need to put my trust in the One perfect parent, My Heavenly Father, who will never leave her nor forsake her, and loves her more than I ever possibly could.
And although, my best will never be good enough, I sure as heck am gonna keep trying!

2013 Tough Mudder Finisher!.. The Race, What I learned about myself, and the human spirit!

     I am officially a 2013 Tough Mudder finisher! I got the headband and the t shirt and lots of pictures to prove it.What a great experience, it was a combination of challenge, fun, and camaraderie. I have to admit, there were times in my head before the race that I thought maybe I "shouldn't, couldn't or wouldn't" do it., However, once I arrived at the race all my fears of actually starting it subsided. I still held on to the the fear of some of the obstacles, and had even decided before hand, if there was one I didn't feel comfortable or safe doing, I would take the designated "safe" route.
     As the race begins, the announcer makes you feel so comfortable, and pumped up. You pledge to not leave any mudder behind, that it is a challenge, not a race, and that you will be more concerned about helping your fellow mudder finish an obstacle than you will be with your race time. Its pretty awesome, however, I wasn't buying it when the horn blew, and everyone took off from the corral. As we headed out to the first leg, wondering what lay ahead of us, you really could feel the excitement, and energy in the group. It was a different feel than road races I've done, or ever triathlons(although triathletes are some of the friendliest athletes I've met), this was different. We were going to go 11 miles, and complete 22 obstacles before the day was over. Obstacles with names like, Arctic Enema, Electric Eel, Mount Everest ,Boa Constrictor, Mud mile to name a few. And in between, you ran cautiously, through back road terrain, muddy water, and mounds, sometimes for long stretches, and you get to meet other mudders to keep you company. This is all before you get to the anticipated last obstacle of electric shock therapy, so that you can be crowned with your tough mudder orange head band.
     I absolutely loved this race! I loved it even more, doing this race with the Captain. We trained for this for months, and it paid off. We were able to finish the race under are allotted time, and when we finished we were not completely depleted of our energy. After every obstacle, we were looking forward to the next one. I did every single obstacle, successfully I might add! There were a few I was hesitant of, but with the Captains encouragement and patience,I did them.
     First,the Arctic Enema, this is where  you  jump into 34 degree water, you have to submerge yourself completely, they make sure of this because the only way out is to go under the wall that takes you to the other side! It was not just cold, it literally took my breath away, and when the Captain pulled me out, I couldn't feel my toes for at least 200 yards..
     The second obstacle, I was deathly afraid of was the, boa constrictor. You crawl on your belly through man made underground tunnels in complete darkness. The first time I went in I got to the turn and backed all the way out. At that point I had to decide, if I was going to complete it,and I decided to give it another try. When I got to the turn the Captain started talking to me from the other side,so I followed his voice and made it through.
     The third obstacle was jumping into a pool of muddy water from about 12-13 feet high platform. I was fine until I got up to the top and looked down, and then I froze. I kept having flash backs of public pools and high diving boards! But, after watching a few people go in, I took the plunge and it was awesome!
    The much anticipated electric shock therapy was painful,and almost unbearable depending on where you got hit.  The Captain got shocked, went down, and bruised a rib! I did get shocked so many times, by the end all I could do was lay there in the mud, and finally one of the guys in our group ran out and just pulled me through!
     The toughest obstacle for me was the funky monkey. I was never very good at monkey bars, and these are monkey bars on steroids. They go way up, then you have to come down them. I did much better than I thought I would, I got to the last part, and the bar twisted and my wrist went out, so I fell into a pit of red water.
     The easiest was the cage. You pull yourself on your back, through muddy water by holding onto a cage. I actually enjoyed this one, and glided right through it quickly.
      My favorite was Mount Everest. You have to run up a greased hill and pull yourself over the wall. It took me four times, because I was laughing so hard from sliding down into the mud! However, once the Captain got up to the top(he did it on his first try!) I knew all I had to do was grab his hand and he would not let me go, and he didn't and I made it!
       My most proud moment, at the end when the announcer had us do eleven push-ups before we could enter the electric shock therapy, but After we did Mount Everest,  and I being the only girl, pumped them out right next to all those boys,without skipping a beat!
       Most inspirational moment, was when I was in the mile mud slosh and a man came up behind me, with an artificial leg,pushing through, and was joking about we were all trying not to lose our shoe, he was trying not to lose his leg!
     The thing is, throughout this whole race, you didn't do it alone. You had your team,  the volunteers, the workers and strangers helping you complete your race. You were actually expected to help others once you got over the walls, ropes, or mud. Everyone adhered to the "pledge". It was so great to see so many people, willing to sacrifice their time to help someone else succeed. It was almost like part of your race was to finish well, but in doing so you helped others finish well. There were all types of people there,all ages, all fitness levels,and all nationalities, moving toward a common goal. It was a race where everyone comes together, gives advice, encouragement,and celebrates each victory. We shared water,salt,and energy gels, but more importantly, we shared an experience for those few hours in which we all had one goal. We became, "one team".It reminded me that in life, like this race, people need people. We need each other to help us get through the tough times,to celebrate the good times, and to keep each other company during the boring times.I could not have completed this race without the help of my teammates, and the help of strangers,it would have simply been impossible.
     Every race I do, I learn more about myself. I think that is one of the reasons I race. This time I learned that even though I was afraid, I didn't let the fear stop me. Yes, I hesitated, but I pushed through it and was better for it.That I will no longer listen to people telling me I "can't" do something, but more importantly, I will never tell myself I "can't" do something. I can and I will, because there are no limits, only limitless opportunities when you believe in yourself .That the Captain and I make a much better team together, than we could ever do alone.And that he will never let me fall,give up on me,or leave me behind.
     I also learned so much about the human condition. We are all the same, only different.We all want to do our best, and be our best. We all want to help someone, and we all need someone's help. That we all want to be successful, and we find joy in other people's success.That at the end of the day,what matters most,is people, and relationships.Like this race, we are not meant to "do" life alone, but together.
     The Captain and I are already planning on signing up for another one,we hope to have more people on our team, however, we know that on race day, we will be part of a bigger team, the Tough Mudder team, where no mudder is ever left behind!