Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Driving Ms. Regan

I took Regan to the DMV a week ago, yes she is already 15 and getting her permit! As she was waiting anxiously to get her picture done,I literally saw her life flash before my eyes. It was like something out of a movie. I could remember every monumental moment I have shared with her. From the second the stick showed two lines, to giving birth, pre-school, learning to ride a bike, pumping swings at the park, every holiday sitting on Santa's lap, every boo-boo I kissed better, brownies,to braces, and I just started crying! I couldn't help it and I couldn't stop. Of course I embarrassed her, and she just rolled her eyes,"oh,boy again?" I looked away.
The tears were a mix of joy, heartache and pride. Are there any other for a mother? I look at the almost adult, beautiful young lady, and stare in awe, of how fast time has gone. I know too well, that my kisses will no longer cure whatever heart ache, cuts or bruises that she will have in her future.I know that there are no monsters under her bed, but have I prepared her for the ones of the world? I know that fairy tales all have happy endings, but in real life there is heartache and disappointment.I know too well that despite what they tell us, dreams don't always come true,and you can't be whatever you want when you grow-up.
  Am I ready? NO,NO,NO I scream in my head. I don't want to hold her back, but I want to hold on to her while my knuckles turn white,I want to breathe in her youth. I know that her licence is the first step to this new found "freedom" that she so craves. I know for her, life is just beginning, with endless opportunities and doors to be opened, and some that will even slam in her face. As mother's we spend their lives protecting them,and then we realize that we have to let go and hope everything we have taught them is somewhere in that adolescent,t rebellious teen. They have to explore, learn, and fall so they can grow into the adults they are called to be. One day when she becomes a mother, it will be her crying at the dmv and having all the same  doubts, fears, and hope for her daughter and I can just hold her, kiss her and once again tell her"everything is going to be okay".

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Reinventing the Wheel

I read an article the other day in my "More" magazine, about sending in your articles on how you have reinvented yourself.. I have to say this really hit a nerve. Reinvent myself?, It took me 42 yrs to like the woman I am now! It took me 42 years to understand myself. And now that isn't enough?I have to reinvent this version?.
I understand improving myself, being the best version of myself that I can be, but to completely reinvent myself? That suggest there is something wrong with the version that I am.
I have Never seen an article in a Man's magazine about reinventing themselves, I guess whatever type of man you are is fine, but as a woman, we aren't good enough to just be who we are, we have to REINVENT ourselves.
Its not "enough" to have a career, take care of a family,be a wife or homemaker.  It irks me, that as a woman, "they", whoever "they" are, are always suggesting we are not enough. What we do is not "enough" how we look is not"enough" who we are is not"enough",what we have is not "enough"!
 Well I say enough is enough. Its time we as women fight back, and decide that we don't need to "reinvent" ourselves,we need to embrace ourselves, be content with ourselves,we need to stop comparing ourselves,stop criticizing ourselves and most importantly, we need to  love ourselves, because, I'm pretty sure the God who made me is the same God who made you, and I promise he did not make a mistake.

New Name, Same Me.. well sort of...

Same author, new blog title, with updated look. It was time for me to start blogging again, however, when I went to find my blog, so much had changed. It took me a good few hours to figure out my passwords and usernames, change my look and descriptions. I had taken a long break from my blog,since the birth of my now three yr old son. Now,that my life is more like controlled chaos,I decided even though I have no time to blog.. I will make time. Its like coming back to an old friend. One who I was nervous about contacting again after such a long absence,but now that I have come back,feels very familiar.As I am typing this, I am helping my 10 year old figure out the adverbs in a sentence, and my three yr old is standing right next to me screaming at the top of his lungs that he needs me, and my 15 yr old has been banished to clean her room because I could no longer see the floor or the bottom of the dresser. Where is the captain,you ask? On a trip to New Orleans, for the last 5 days,with his partner, while I am flying solo.
 So not much has changed, except me. I am older, wiser, more content with all that life keeps throwing at me! I have found peace with who I am(a pilots wife,a mother, a sister, a daughter, an aunt,and a friend),what I am(a believer, an athlete, an adventurer,and an entrepreneur) and where I am(at home,the gym,work). Life is good, I can't complain,whine,or criticize,oh but I'm sure I will,I mean what's a blog for anyway!