I am less than a week out for my big race! I am officially in what "they" call taper mode. Its kinda crazy. Taper means, I now have time to cook, clean and do laundry. I also have an enormous amount of time to practice my finish line smile, or pose! Come on, you know you do that too.. I mean I always have an idea and then all of my pictures end up with my mouth half opened, my hair stuck to my head in awkward positions, and my shirt either pulled up so my muffin top is showing, or my shoulders slouched so I look a hunchback! haha I wish I could have enough energy at the end to jump, or have like this awesome accomplished look on my face, but the truth is instead of looking cool, or tough, I look like I am sitting on the toilet trying to ,well you know!
    Anyway, as I look back at these last 9 months, I realized how much I have learned, how much I am ready for race day, and how many people it took to actually get me here. I thought this race would be all about me, and I have found even though it started out that way, it has become something so much bigger than that. I  am amazed at the things you learn while training for any race, and how with each one, there is so much more life lessons to learn, about people, and yourself.  I could not have done this on my own, and if it would have continued to be only about me, well I would have given up long ago. You don't realize it, when you begin ,but you are reminded of it at the end.
     I could not have  trained for this race without the love and support from the Captain and my kids! The time they have put into this has been insurmountable. From getting up with me to do long rides, to changing plans so that I can train, to going without a homemade meal, clean laundry or house, they have been my rock. I have witnessed first hand unconditional love, and feel grateful for the family that I was blessed with. I have a husband who continually surprises me on the depth of his love for me, and my children's selflessness has been overwhelming at times.
     My friends and family that also have encouraged me, believed in me, and listened to hours of details on aches, pains, nutrition, and courses even when they want me to shut up, but wait patiently for me to finish. Even strangers that have somehow found out about it, the lady at the park in general conversation, the moms I run with, my swim group, my Augusta FB 70.3 page have all played a role.
   Through this whole process, I have been reminded that we are all the same, only different. The interest, the encouragement, and the advice that was so freely given. I have seen people that look at me with hope, inspiration, and pride. Not because of me, but because of what I am doing simply reminds them, that anything is possible. Maybe it isn't a race for them maybe its going back to school, its a painting class,  its a tennis club, staying single, getting married, or maybe just permission to be something other than what life decides for us to be. Whatever it is, I am happy that I have been able to allow other people, women especially, to see that the potential for us, the limits we put on ourselves for whatever reason, can be overcome. I am just an Extra Ordinary woman, living an extraordinary life, I am no different than anyone.
At the beginning of the race, I thought it was only about me and my personal reasons, but now it has become all about you, all about us. Everyone of us, that was told we can't, to settle, to accept, to  endure, to submit. For all of us, that thought we couldn't , or we shouldn't. Those of us who believed the lies that  we will never be good enough, fast enough, determined enough, or strong enough.
We are all in the bigger race together, this race we call life. We have one common goal, to get to an imaginary finish line, a job well done, a feeling of self accomplishment, an accolade, a renewal, survival. We need each other, we can not get through life alone, just like this race, life was meant to be shared with people. We are "in this" together.  So thank you to all of you. Although,I will be the one doing the race, you are all there in my heart, and as I cross the finish line, I know that each one of you carried me along the way.

Final Countdown

    There are only two weeks left until my big race! I admit I am totally scared, more like terrified! I go from being super excited to completely anxious . I can feel totally ready in one training session, and then find myself questioning my sanity during another. The endless amount of energy of turning this race over and over in my mind is completely exhausting. I am already losing sleep.When I am not training, I am thinking of ways to train more efficiently, or about race day nutrition.  I am scouring the web to find any and all information on things from what glides to use, to what bars to eat, lens colors on goggles, and hydration systems. When I am finished gathering all of that information, I am busy devouring blog posts on other people who have done a 1/2 iron man, from the elites to the novices'! I am officially on information overload. I need the race to be here, and I need this race to be another month away!
     Now that I am at the end of my training, (this will be my last intense week), and then I will start tapering.. Oh yeah, I guess I will be researching on what that even means this week! I am realizing its not enough to have your  body physically ready for this, but I need to start training my mind. I have been told, on many occasions, that I am my own worst enemy. I now need to start believing I can do this race.  All this training will have been for nothing, if I don't believe it.
       What am I afraid of? I have been asking myself this question a lot lately. I mean I have done every one of the distances I need to do for this race(1.2 mile swim.56 mile bike.13.1mile run) maybe not all at the same time yet, but enough combinations to know that I can do them. I know in my heart I have used my training time the best that I could. I have fallen many times on my bike, and have had road rash, skinned knees, and swollen wrists. I have had shin splints, and double plantar fasciitis in my feet. I have had aches, pains, bruises, and blisters in places that I don't need to mention. So I am not afraid of pain, that is part of this whole process! So is this fear even justifiable? I don't know.
      Yes, I have been asking myself this question a lot lately, you do that on four hour bike rides, and two hour runs!. So, here it is, I am afraid of, putting in all this hard work, and not being able to finish the race. Disappointing all my friends and family that have supported me and believed in me. Not making the cutoffs. Dead bodies(for some reason I worry they will be in the river)! Even how I will measure up to the other athletes.
     But, here's the thing, at this point in the game I have two choices 1.Give up or  2.Go to the race. that's it. I mean realistically, most people wouldn't care, some would be happy that I just shut up about it, and the only person that I would be giving up on would be myself.
     However, I realize despite all of my fears for race day, I have an even bigger fear. Not knowing. Not knowing if  I could have done it. Not knowing if I would have been strong enough, determined enough, or brave enough. and that is why #1 isn't an option for me. You see, I would rather go and know , then quit and wonder. At least if I go and am not able to finish, I will learn and  grow, as an athlete and as a person. I will know what worked, what didn't, and how I can improve for the next one. I understand that even the most experienced athletes have to be a little afraid, because on race day there are too many unknown variables, it is unlike training.
      However, what makes us different isn't that we aren't afraid, its that we continue to race in spite of our fear. Its the "what ifs" that drive us, that motivates us and why we keep signing up again. We channel our fear into energy on race day. We understand that crossing a  finish line is not the only way to win our race. Having the courage to keep showing up, and giving it all we've got, regardless of failed training plans, injuries, the nah-sayers, and even our own self, that is the real prize.
    Too many people would rather live in the wonder years.. I wonder if I could, I wonder if I can, I wonder how they do that, I wonder if.... I want to live in the know. I want to know what I'm made of, I want to know what I'm capable of, I want to know that I own my life, and that I live it unabashedly without regret, I want to know that I am stronger than even my own fear.
      So yeah, maybe in spite all of my hard work, I won't be able to finish this race but,I won't have failed, because failure would be not trying in the first place. I am in the final countdown and as far as I'm concerned I already have my prize, now I just need to go get that medal!

Third TRImester!

      I am now in my final TRImester of training for my half iron man! Okay well, technically only 8 weeks to go, so I am writing this a little later than anticipated,but hey.... I am training for a half iron man, so I've been a little busy.
        Training for this race has taken me out of my comfort zone, it continues to stretch me further than I ever thought possible. It has exposed areas of my weaknesses',and unveiled  my strengths. I am so excited and scared all at the same time. I have tried new things, met new friends, and gained new insight to my ability to adapt. It has drained me emotional, physically and mentally. I cry randomly at times, not knowing if its because I am so sore,so tired, or a combination of both. I eat more than I care to admit,my laundry consists of running shorts, bras, and tanks that reek of butt, and boob sweat! I do my wash separately with special detergent, because my laundry room smells like a boys gym locker room. I have had chaffing in areas that well.... TMI! I have had pulled neck muscles, back spasms, and  plantar fasciitis so long, I think its my running partner! I have decided to pull out of this race 66 times and that was just in the last week. Every day I eat, train, eat , train, and sometimes ,I remember to feed the kids! I have felt guilty of how time consuming my training is, however, when I take a rest day, I feel guilty I am not training..I  belong to more clubs(running, swimming, and tri) than my high school daughter, and can name most muscles in my body. I have become an expert on hydration, nutrition, and may market my new hair color, its called chlorine! I  can change a flat tire faster than a NASCAR mechanic, wrap my knee or foot with duck tape, and eat fig newtons on the move! I have watched the sunrise(swimming) and the sunset(running) all in the same day. I have successfully swam in a lake at midnight, and can do a mile in 8 mins(only 1).
      During this journey I have learned so many things that I didn't know. I  did not know that I would find swimming, once my most dreaded leg of the training, to be my most favorite. That I would learn what an IM was, or a flutter kick or how to do 400's on the 1's..I didn't know that the bikes sessions would be uninterrupted quality time spent with the Captain,exploring new places in Orlando.And I didn't know running with other mothers would become one of my favorite nights of the week.
          Every day I get to be thankful. Thankful for my health, I do not take it for granted that I am able, when some are not. Every day I get to be grateful. Grateful for my family who, without their continued love,support, patience and belief ,I would have given up a long time ago. Every day, I get to be hopeful. Hopeful that I will be able to watch my dream ,become a reality.
     Training for this race has forced me to accept that there are many variables that I cannot control, in this race and in this life. It has taught me that even under my best laid out  plans, that things can and will change. I don't know if I will ever feel 100% ready for this race. I think I will always want more time. But, where I am now, is not where I was 7 months ago.  I do know where Ill be in two months...at the starting line ready to TRI and give it my best shot!

Stuck in the Middle

      Yesterday, I snuck off with my son,Nolan, to spend the day at Disney! We left the little ,and the Captain at home! It was such a different experience going without a stroller, a backpack, and extra clothes etc. I had wanted to spend time alone with Nolan . I know that at 11 yrs old, its still okay to hang out with your mom, but the time will come when those days are few and far between.I want to embrace the few years I have left!
     It was fun to spend some quality, one on one time with him. Sometimes, well most of the time, our life is so busy, and I know that if I don't make it a point to spend time with each of my children individually, it will not happen. When you have a little brother (4) and a big sister(16), the days and events we do as a family can get dictated by them. Yesterday, I wanted Nolan to be able to control the events of the day, and get to do all the things we put off doing( the things he wants) when we go to the parks. Sometimes, its so unfair  to be stuck in the middle ! He gets juggled in-between, teenage drama and little brother meltdowns! He handles it well, but I know that occasionally, he can feel the burden of being stuck in the middle. I try to be sensitive about it,and aware of it, however I have to constantly be conscience of it.
       I enjoyed my day with him, so much! I got to actually see a hint of what his behavior will be like when he goes on his first date. But more importantly, I got to witness the young man he is growing into.  All day I he kept reminding me of someone. The thought plagued the back of my head. He was attentive, opened doors, carried our food trays, and he didn't  monopolize the conversation. He asked me questions, and was interested in my answers. When I told him it was his day, we would do whatever he wanted, he promptly corrected me, and told me it was our day, and we both get to pick things we want to do! He even held my hand as we were walking through the parks! yes,tears have just formed in my eyes.. As the day came to a close, I knew without a doubt who he reminded me of... his father.
     You see our sons, are watching their dads.They pay attention to the way they treat their mothers.Nolan sees the way the Captain treats me, he  listens to the way the Captain talks to me, and he witness' how openly the Captain loves me. The Captain has taught Nolan many things, but the most important one, is what it really means to be a Godly man, and the Captain only uses words when necessary.
     Our sons will choose wives' that reflect the women that they have been around their whole lives. So, Mothers' be the kind of woman you want your son to marry, set the bar high ,so that he chooses well. Our sons will  want to be the kind of men they have seen as a child. So, Fathers' be the man that you want your sons to become. When you treat your wives with love, honor and respect, you have raised a man who will have a successful marriage, and understand one of their roles as a husband.
      I am so proud of the young man Nolan is growing up to be, and I am more proud of the man he is to become, because I know without a doubt, he has had one of the best role models around.

Second TRImester training

 I am coming to the end of my first month in my second TRImester! Time is moving quickly, only 5 months til go time! In the first three months , I'll admit I was flying by the seat of my pants. In the beginning it took sometimes hours for me to encourage myself to get that  run, swim or bike in. Many days I tried to find an excuse. I allowed my negative thoughts to creep in, I mean What the hell was I thinking? I am not by nature an athlete, I have to fight for it , every single day, it does not come easy for me. I feel like I have to push harder, work harder, and practice more, than other women. or maybe I don't. I sometimes put so much pressure on myself, that I have to remind myself to get out of my own way. The first few months were rough, my body fought me for awhile, but I kept training. I had people with negative comments, looks, I kept going. I did develop an injury in both my feet towards the end, and have had to take off two weeks of running(which is terrible for me, because as much as running is my solitude it is also my nemesis!) But I pushed myself with my swimming, and biking.
     And then something switched, something in my body turned on. Now going into this second Trimester, it has become much easier. Instead of excuses not to train, I make my schedule around my training. Once  dreading one workout a day, I have begun two a days! I am no longer trying to get out of my training days however, now I try to find reasons to train during rest days. My body was fighting me, now my body seems to be catapulting me forward.  I can feel my body getting stronger every day, and I love the new muscles that are forming! My legs, once too skinny, are actually becoming muscular. ! But, the most important part is, I am having so much fun!  Did I say that? Yes, I am having the best time training for this race.
     I have joined a swimming group, which has really helped me improve not only my distance, but my strokes and speed too. I am faithfully getting to my spin classes,(  the Captain also joins me,when in town). I have been getting more time outside on my bike, so getting in and out of those clips are becoming easier. I was able to start back running this week, and I was surprised that even though I had to take a break, I am not that far off from where I left off!
     I am still battling the "mommy guilt" of having to leave the kids more often,or drag them to the gym constantly, and needing to lean on Regan when the Captain is out of town! But, I am trying to let that go, if its possible. I keep reminding myself that my kids are fine,and they are learning a lot during this whole process too.
     The training schedule is more intense than I thought it would be, however manageable. I was able to go watch the 1/2 iron Florida this past week, and support my friend as she completed her second one. It was a great experience, and gave me more knowledge about race day. I also feel more confident in my ability to not just  finish the race, but be a contender as well! So, now when someone asks me," Why are you doing this?" I look at them and reply, " Its not why am I doing this..Its why aren't you?"


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Sweet 16

     This past month, I have been planning my daughters sweet 16. It has been such an emotional time for me. I don't know why, but her turning 16 has been harder on me than when I turned 40! It has taken me a bit by surprise, actually. Maybe its the fact that I have been scouring through old pictures, trying to find the perfect one for her bday invite, and in doing so, I have come across a snap shot of her life.It has gone by so fast. Or maybe its because she is my oldest child, my only daughter. Or simply, the older I get, it seems the easier I cry. It really could be any of these things. All I know is that I can't help but feel this bday is bittersweet.
     I can remember the day when the Captain taught her to ride her bike. I can still hear her screaming, "Don't let go Daddy, not until I am ready!" and I knew he would hang on, "I got you baby girl, I won't." and yet, that was a lie. She wasn't ever really going to be ready, but when he felt she was, without her even knowing, he took his hand away from the seat. Sometimes you have to believe in your child, before they can start believing in themselves. She flew past us,smiling, laughing ,the wind in her hair "Look I'm doing it all by myself!", and just as quickly as her excitement rose, off she toppled to one side skinning her knees, her elbows, her face,"I told you I wasn't ready!" screaming through the tears. In a split second we went from her hero's to zero's!

We ran towards her, checked her over, and once the tears dried, "Do you want to try again?" We can see her contemplating it. This is the moment when you get a glimpse of what your child is going to be like in their future self. Will she let her pride stop her,  or will she push towards her goal? Will she  manipulate the drama to her advantage? We wait. She doesn't smile, a simple "Yes, I can do it." she stood ready for more. It would take her five more tries, more scrapes, more bruises, but when she finally did it, she would wear those scars proudly! Fast forward ... now,we are teaching her to drive.

      As I look back onto her life, I can't recall an age or stage that I have not truly enjoyed. She has brought so much joy, love and laughter into my life. My daughter has taught me about myself, my limits and my courage. She has shaped me into the woman I was called to be. She humbles me,strengthens me, and encourages me to be a better person. She challenges me, tests me, and sometimes enrages me. My daughter gave me something to fight for, her. 

     As she continues to grow into the woman she is to become,and time continues to speed by, I daydream about all the possibilities, and opportunities that await her. I have no fear of the path she will choose, opportunities she will take, or challenges she will face. Because, along the way we will be holding on to the back of the seat, and we wont let go until we know that she is ready. And then we will watch her fly,with the wind in her hair, smiling and laughing, grabbing on to her dreams,wherever they may take her.

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9 Months.. 3 TRImesters

 I have 9 months before my half iron man race, its like being impregnated with half iron man training! I will look at this training in trimesters,which is fitting because, the half iron man is a triathlon! So,for the first three months of training (Jan-March) I know what I should expect(kinda). There already has been a range of emotions from excitement to what the heck was I thinking?? There has already been a few times I have actually puked, from training. Ok,so I didn't exactly puke, but continuous dry heaves are much worse! And I know people can look at me and think is she or isn't she... training for a race? Because,really at this point my body hasn't made any significant changes,so people can only guess. My level of exhaustion has increased due to the fact that I am doing more training. My appetite has even increased, like I'm eating for two! This first trimester is going to be a time for getting used to my new schedule, my new clips(I already have visible injuries ),  changing my eating habits, taking better vitamins, and getting much needed sleep. Whew, did I miss anything? Oh yeah, my boobs... well, those haven't changed much,but here's hoping! haha
  During my second trimester (April-June),which was by far my favorite trimester in all three of my pregnancies,I know my energy will  return. As my body becomes accustomed to my training, it will  actually start to crave it. People will begin to see the changes in my body, as it grows more defined and strong. They will start to be bolder with asking me questions like, Are you training for... and then once I say yes, they will be only too eager to share with me all of their own stories of races past, and training schedules!I will probably start to look for my new tri outfit, and be able to eat guilt free, because of my training schedule.I will also see the exhaustion subside, because I will be getting well deserved rest.Less accidents on my bike, because, I will be used to the clips. I will start swimming in the open water, without the fear of drowning., and I will be doing shorter races for practice.
     My last trimester(July-Sept) I will actually break up into two 6 weeks.The first part of this trimester I will be starting to anticipate the race. I will be using this time to make sure my hotel is secure,buy new shoes if needed to break them in, checking my equipment, and doing the last of the long bricks. I will start to see that the end is near. However, by that last 6 weeks, I will be ready for this race to come so that I can complete it. I will be tired of hearing everyone else's stories and want to have one of my own. I will start getting scared, and having doubts about whether I made the right choice. I will start to wonder if I  will be any good at it.All of these mixed emotions, with anticipation for race day. I will  want to get back to a "normal" routine, eat the pizza, drink a beer!I will be over getting up early for a swim, while everyone is sleeping. Biking in my living room long after the little's have gone to bed. Even running the same route will become mundane,I will just want it to be over!
     And then the "BIG DAY" will arrive! All my hard work, all my sacrifices, all the long hours of training will be on autopilot. During the race there will be tears of joy, and tears of pain.There will be moments when I want to give up from pure exhaustion.There will be thoughts in my head .. Why? I will be reminding myself never to do something like this again! I will be cussing at the Captain, for even encouraging me ... and then after hours of racing, I will cross that  finish line! They will call my name and  I will  know.. IT was all worth it!.. I will  look down at that beautiful medal, representing all that I have accomplished, and in an instant, I will  forget all about the sweat, the tears and the pain.  I will only remember the feeling of finishing my race, and I will  turn to the Captain and say... SO... "When's the next One?!"
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It's not 1/2 bad!

      The new year has begun, and I am ready to start working on one of my goals. You see, I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, I believe in goals.
      This year will be my year of the 1/2.. I am not talking about a 1/2 marathon, I'm talking about the 1/2 iron man! Yes, its out of my comfort zone, a little irresponsible, and a tad bit risky,  yet, I have been contemplating this for two years. I have competed in road races, 5k, 10k , and 1/2 marathons. I have participated in triathlons and a mud race(Tough Mudder), but nothing will quite compare to this. This is a race that is a 1.2 mile open water swim, 56 mile bike, and 13.1 mile run (70.3 mile race!) This will be a race, that I will only have 9 months to train .
       However, for most people, dreams are just that "dreams", some fairy tale that they wish for, imagine, but never pursue. For me,turning my dream into a reality, makes it my goal. That is the difference.  Goals are supposed to be a little crazy, a little far out of your reach, even a little silly. It's something that excites you, scares you and exhilarates you all at the same time. I think a goal should be something that requires commitment, of your time and energy. A goal should be risky, but attainable. It should be something that engages your whole body, mind and spirit.It should teach you, reach you and challenge you. It requires faith. Goals, keep us alive, they give us something to strive for,something to believe in (mostly ourselves) and something to anticipate. Goals will take all of your courage, your strength, and  your passion. It is life. I think without  goals in our lives, we fail to see what we are fully capable of, and created for. Usually, when someone has a goal, its never just about the goal itself, it becomes about the experience, the journey,and  the lessons along the way. For me its about having hope, defying doubt, and pursuing life head on.
     I've already been asked,"Why, would you want to do that?", and I think with goals, you don't always have to have the answers,you don't always have to know the outcome, you don't always have to understand the reason, after all that is part of the appeal. I think you you have to hold onto the reason that you started, but, I think you also figure out all the reasons that you weren't even aware of along the way.
     I will have to stay focused, and motivated for 9 months,when the excitement of training wains, the monotony of running the same course, swimming the same lengths, and biking the same route become boring, (and they will) I will stay committed. Part of my process will be to stay in it, even when I want to quit, or give up, when I start doubting myself, my body, even my goal( and I will). I will continue, in spite of it all, because those are the moments  when you truly find out who you are, what you stand for,what your made of, and more importantly, that is where you will find yourself. 
Today, 9 months seems like a life time away, and yet it seems like tomorrow, all at the same time.  I probably won't win, okay most definitely, but that isn't my goal. (that would be a dream:) Right now in  my life, it is to compete in the race, complete the race and cross the finish line.My dream-turned reality,became my goal, and that's not half-bad!

Voices Carry

  I recently lost my voice for about five days. I think when it first happened my family was secretly happy! I am not going to lie, I am the loud mouth in the family. Needless to say, when this happened some in my family would call it a small blessing! It was actually quite reveling to me about how I talk, my tone, my volume and even the importance of things I say. At times it was frustrating, but I learned to just go with it, drink lots of hot tea, and frankly enjoy it!

So here are a few things I learned, while this loud mouth had no voice:)
1. The quieter I talked, the more people around me wanted to listen.
2. I had to prioritize what I really needed to say.
3. I spoke less,and listened more.
4. The less I spoke, the more people wanted to tell me all their business.
5. The less I spoke the more observant I became.
6. When I did speak, people wanted to hear what I had to say.
7. I did not waste my words on inconsequential conversations.
8. My kids opened up more about what was going on in their lives.
9. I prayed more, read more, and was on my phone less.
And
10. Actions really do speak louder than words!
     I am so grateful to have my voice back. Although, I really was able to reflect on some improvements that I can make.Sometimes, you have to lose something, in order to learn from it.

Running Forward

I can tell my blog has taken a turn here lately. I guess because, I am changing too. I feel like my writing this year is becoming more about my self discovery, or self awareness. I was told once that when you turn "40" , you start to look at your life differently. Well, 40 came and went, and I  honestly didn't see any big changes, however,now on the brink of "43" , I am starting to understand.
  Don't get me wrong, I love my life, I love the choices that I have made, and I have few regrets. When I reflect on myself, I am not trying to reinvent me, heck, it took me until 40 to even like me! I guess I am looking at my self and remembering who I am without all the labels that I have acquired over the years.I am trying to find my balance of where it is I belong.
 In order for me to really start down this road, I guess I had to look at where it was I came from in the first place. Let me tell you now, this is a love story of sorts, not a pity party!
 I now recognize that I grew up in a very unhealthy, dysfunctional environment, but who hasn't, right? When I look back on my life( my younger years) the ones that helped shape me, my personality, my insecurities, my weaknesses, my brokenness, I feel sadness that so much of those things that should be every child's right, was taken away from me at such an early age. I don't write these things out of self pity, I write them to remind myself that I have come so far, and through it all have become more secure, stronger and have such joy in my life. I am not where I need to be, but I am not even close to where I was!
  Eight years ago, I started to run,do triathlons, and half- marathons, etc. I began to use exercise as a way of healing, away of cleansing my past. I put everything into my kids, the Captain, and unbeknownst to them, I expected them to heal me, fix me, make me whole. It was a poor attempt to feel completeness. I think if we are all honest, we are all "broken" in some ways. I used exercise and my family to fix me. What are you using?
I now know that  God is the only thing that can heal me. Yes, I  believe He used exercise as a vessel to help me move past the pain, and I believe, He put the Captain in my life as a blessing, to allow me a glimpse of what beauty looks like, in a world that can be so ugly. He gave me my children as a gift, to enjoy, love and be loved. These are all things that He chose for me to help me start the healing process, but it couldn't be complete unless, I accepted Him. I was told once that when someone asks you '"What does it feel like to accept Christ or be baptized?", the answer is ," It feels like a Monday." Because, the truth is healing and growing,even with Christ, doesn't happen overnight, sometimes the scars run too deep, there is no "quick" fix, or magic pill. You still have to do the work, but now you don't do it alone!
I think the training for me, has been a way for me to remind myself, that I am strong, I am no longer that little girl with no voice. However, its not enough for just my body to become strong, I have to remain strong in my faith. An injury could happen, an accident and I wouldn't be able to compete any longer, but my relationship with Christ will sustain me. My children will grow up and begin their life, but Christ will never leave me. My husband, God forbid, could pass away tomorrow, and I will still be a Bride of Christ.
You see, He uses whatever means he needs to teach us about Him, life and most importantly ourselves. Running is a gift. Every mile I have logged, I have learned something, about my life or about myself. He blesses, He heals,He restores.
I realize now that when I first started running, I used it to run away from my past, but now as I am putting back those pieces, I run only toward my future.

Coming Home!

      I am anxiously waiting to go to the airport to pick up Regan. She had  a great experience spending  time with her Aunt and cousins. Writing music,seeing the sights and learning about the city.. I believe she has found her first love, Nashville!
      Although, it was so hard to let her go, and yes, I did cry a few nights, I survived, not that I am in any hurry for her to leave again!  Regan did great, she is going to be fine.She is a brave, independent young lady, who has some courageous ideas for her life,and I applaud her!
     As always with my children, I feel like everything I do or give them is a learning experience for them,and as always, I am usually the one being taught! I know it was harder for me to let her go, than for most parents. I won't deny that I keep my kids close to me, and to home. After growing up in the environment that I did, I probably have become too overprotective,wanting to shield them from any harm or pain.I am learning that this is an impossible task, even for me. I will not always be with them, to help them make good decisions, or keep them from harm. All I can do is give them the tools and resources that they need, along with all of my love and support.
    Letting Regan go on this trip was a big step for...... Me. I have learned a lot about myself this past week. I am stronger than I think,when it comes to my children. This trip helped me to become aware that they will all be growing up and moving out. It made me think about how important it is for me to continue to have an independent identity of myself. I don't want to wake up one day , my kids out of the house, and then wonder what is left for me. I LOVE my kids, however, I was a woman,and a wife first. And guess what? I will still be a woman and a wife last!
     As mother's we throw ourselves into raising our children, we place their needs, wants and desires above our own. We sometimes even place them above our spouses'! I understand now the importance of cultivating my relationship with my husband, and finding interests of my own. As parents we need to remember that time goes so fast, and our children do not belong to us.We only have a short amount of time to prepare, train and influence them for their lives. If we  have done our jobs right, they will  leave, build lives, have careers and start families of their own! For so long I have dwelled on the fact that they will "leave" me, when in reality, that's a selfish burden to place on them for growing up!  I need to keep it into perspective. They are not "leaving" me, they are leaving their childhood behind to become adults. It took me this week to recognize the difference. I now know that I was never really afraid for them to leave home, I was afraid of what my future looked like without them. I wonder how many other mother's feel this way?
    So, where does that leave a mother who has dedicated her life to her children? If I am not careful, I will not know where I belong. I will not know how to face that season of my life. I have learned this week, that I need to start exploring and doing some preparing of my own. I need to look at my life, and reflect on what I want for myself in the next 10 years, as my children become adults. I need to find that "me", that was "me" before "them". I need to continue to grow, towards the woman that I am to become, not when they leave, but while they are still here. I am not going to wait for the last one to leave,I am going to start now, so that  when they do leave, I will be ready to help them pack!

Leaving on a Jet Plane

      I just took my baby girl to the airport to go on her first trip to see her aunt and cousins. Its the first time she has ever been on an airplane by herself, and it is the first time she has ever been away from home, and more importantly, from me!
     My family has been asking me for a long time to let her come and visit, but I had been so reluctant and fearful. However, now at almost 16, I knew I could no longer hold the tight grip I had placed on her. Yes, realistically, I know many kids go away to family, friends, and camp . They even start at a very early age!
 I can remember my brother and I traveling to see our father on a Grey Hound bus from the age of 9 years old. So, its not like I don't know that it is possible, attainable, and safe.
     Regan was ready to take this next step in her independence. I was not. I checked her bags the night before, and rechecked them in the morning. I went over every scenario with her on the way to the airport.I confirmed her seats, flight, and layover information. With the occasional, "Mom,I'll be fine!", I still wasn't convinced. How will she managed without me? How will I manage without her? Its only ten days, I keep repeating to myself. I promise I won't cry, or I'll embarrass her.
After the long process of going through security we reach the gate. I can tell from her face, the excitement had turned to doubt, and I  immediately feel guilty for having imposed my fear on her. I remind myself, that she is watching me, for my response. She needs my "ok", my reassurance. As much as she is ready, I since the hesitation, if only for a brief second. My mom mode kicks into high gear. I will not let her see me cry.I get her to the gate,  "I am so excited for you! You are going to have so much fun!" , I manage weakly, but tried to say it with conviction. She looks at me, searching for truth in my eyes. She is making sure I am going to be okay. Once she is reassured, she quickly grabs her bags, and gets in line. "Do you want me to take a picture?" She looks mortified,  rolls her eyes,"really?? NO!" I smile.
Now, I can see in her face that the hesitation has turned to anticipation, and I don't want to take that away from her. I watch her walk down the corridor, trying to peak around the overly tall gentleman right behind her. She doesn't even look back. Once she is out of sight, then and only then I let out the tears I have been holding back. I swipe them away with my jacket sleeve.Nolan and Liam are staring at me.I look down at them and smile. We walk away. Every now and then I glance back, knowing I won't see her, but checking anyway.
I take hold of both of my boys hands, and we head towards the tram.I wonder what it will be like when they are also ready to leave home for the first time. Will it be easier? less painful? I doubt it. I may be able to accept it more, but I know the heaviness on my heart will be the same. But, for now, I won't allow myself to think that far into the future, I only want to focus on the next 10 days.
  Watching her get on that plane, was another step towards her future. Letting her go was another step towards my growth. For her this trip is about independence, for me its about leaning on Whom I Depend. She will dwell in the happiness of freedom, and family. I will dwell in the House of my Lord and Savior. She will be comforted by her Aunt and cousins. I will be comforted by my Comforter. Yes, we are both moving forward, towards our future, hers is an all new beginning and I am realizing that mine has just begun!

It's A Virtual World

     I know that social media is such a huge part of society these days. There is Twitter, instagram, and Facebook, where you can share your life instantaneously. There are huge perks to that. I know on many occasions , I have been reconnected with an old friend, received important news,been invited to parties, and yes, even found out about the latest gossip. However, in a society where everyone wants to be connected, stay connected or get connected, it can be overwhelming, and very time consuming.
     I watched a mother so busy taking pictures and posting them on her Facebook page,(I could see her phone)and then responding to all her Facebook comments, that when her daughter asked her to "look" she missed an important moment. Now, trust me I have been there too,so I am not judging this mom, it just brought it to my attention.
Are we so busy trying to prove to our "virtual friends", how much fun we are having, how beautiful we look today, or how exciting our lives are, that we  are actually forgetting to live our "lives"'?Are we becoming so obsessed with what the virtual world thinks of how we appear to be living, that we are missing some important moments? Are we so self absorbed with how many comments,or likes that we have, that we forget to live in the present?
  I am guilty of spending too much time on Facebook, writing on my blog, and my latest addiction... Candy Crush! If I am honest ,I too have missed out on moments, or time spent away from my family due to the intense curiosity that the virtual world holds over my head.
   I just got an instagram, just so I could follow Nolan, and that's how it started. Now I post pictures, videos, and even my latest dinner! I don't understand twitter, but mostly I don't have this account, because all of my tweets would be: doing laundry, cooking dinner, at park, doing schoolwork, driving to baseball, driving to cross country practice, etc..., you get the point!BORING!
     I believe there is some sort of disorder associated with it. I know that for some, their mood depends on how many "likes" they get, like the bathroom scale to an anorexic.Its crazy. We live in a world supposedly so connected, and yet the suicide rate is at its highest. Depression medication is one of the top medicine dispensed by physicians. In this day and age, information can be found by the push of a key or the click of the mouse. You can find out about anyone, find everyone, and know everything about their daily lives, from when they brush their teeth, if they brush their teeth, to their bowl movements!
     We are on information overload. Everyone can live in their own reality show on a you tube channel,and we can praise, judge or bully them about it on Facebook! Where is the mystery anymore? I don't ever have to go to another high school reunion, to find out what happened to this girl  or that guy, because I can just stalk their Facebook profile and find all I need to know! (don't act like you haven't done that either, I mean I haven't, but I'm sure you have!:)
   On the other side of it,there are so many positives to the virtual world epidemic.. I love to find an easy recipe to cook for dinner, an easier way to teach algorithms( to look up the definition of algorithms!) to Regan. I love blogging and use it as a tool to attract readers.My kids take classes on the internet, and I have found out what illness I have and how to cure it by punching in my symptoms! You can pay bills, plan vacations, send instant messages, and renew subscriptions. You can order clothes, shoes, and books, never stepping into a mall.
     Yes, there are many benefits, and I am not saying we shouldn't use them or that I don't indulge in them. We just need, like everything else, balance. We need to know when to put the phone away, how many pictures of ourselves to post on instagram, and how much time we are spending on the internet. We need to remember to appreciate our life, live our  life, and experience our life to the fullest. We should live in the moment, be in the moment and enjoy the moment. Real life is worth living.....And besides, the more you live, and experience the more interesting your Facebook status' will become to all your friends!:)

Givers and Takers

I was having a great conversation with a good friend yesterday about women's relationships. We were discussing, based on some current events taking place in both of our lives, how do you know when to let go, when to back off, when to fight for one?
I guess in every relationship there is a giver and a taker. If we are honest with ourselves, we can admit that in each relationship we have been either one or the other, depending on the relationship.I think most of the time we try to balance the takings and the givings, because lets face it, relationships, no matter what kind( family, friends, spouse, and children), that's required, if we want to sustain the relationship for any length of time.
Every one of us has heard the saying" its a give and take". However, what happens when the person your in the relationship in, is a taker, and never gives back? I know right away that person's name just popped into your head. Awww, light bulb moment! You know the one, its the one your always chasing. The one you are always making plans with, only to have them cancel at the last minute, because a better offer came along. The one that you are  always calling, doing the invites, dropping everything for, but can't seem to get a hold of  when you need them. We all have them in our lives, and if you can't think of one, then look in the mirror!
I lean more towards a giver. That is just who I am. However, givers have to be careful, because in order to stay in a relationship with a taker, we will have to "give" everything we've got! Until, one day the taker realizes you have nothing left to give, and walks away.
Women relationships are difficult,and complex. I have had to let go of relationships that were unhealthy for me, I have been hurt by people who I thought I was close too, to find out the feelings were not mutual. I have cried,and grieved over them. As women, our relationships are so important to us.. sometimes too important. We try to change ourselves,the circumstance, or our opinions. We sometimes even compromise our beliefs in order to continue the relationship.And after we have done all these things, the person walks away, leaving us confused, hurt, and in disbelief.
I have been told I am too much of this, too little of that. I have been told that I am not "caring" enough, "wealthy" enough, "spiritual" enough,"pretty"enough, "thin" enough, you name it, I have fallen short in those types of friendships. The truth is, I would never truly be "enough" for that person, no matter what I did or how I changed, it would never fully satisfy them.
At 42, I have learned that not all relationships will last, some relationships are for a season, some are for learning, some are for teaching, and some were never meant to be. I have stopped searching for acceptance, reassurance, or fulfillment from any one person. Now, I look to my Heavenly Father to fill those needs. I turn to him for guidance, reassurance and advice. I have given up trying to please every one, now I seek to please only Him. I no longer try to change for someone else, I find my self-worth in my Creator.
Once you put your faith into the right person(Christ) you give up the notion that you were put here to please everyone, because in trying to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one, least yourself.
Relationships are important, we are called to be in them. However, we are not called to be in relationships that are draining or compromising to ourselves.God does not call us to continue to engage in relationships that pull us away from him, but rather cultivate relationships that draw us closer to Him.
I am enough, for Him, you are enough for Him, stop trying to please everyone, and learn to please the only One! In doing this, you will find the most rewarding, encouraging relationships that are not only meant to be, but will last a lifetime!

Memaw and Popop.. Setting the Example!

Today, we celebrated my mother and father in law's birthdays! We celebrated Memaw(86) a few days late and Popop(82) a few days early.I made them a homemade vanilla cream cheese cake with the help of Liam! I wanted them to know how much they mean to me, and there is really no other present I can get them, accept my time. I realize after all these years a cake is a small feat, however, with how busy I get, I wanted to show them that I still will make time for them,and that they are very important to me, more so than a busy schedule.
Memaw and Popop have been married 60+ years! They have raised two children and have bee completely involved with all five of their grandchildren's lives.They are the matriarchs of the Gary clan. When I first met them 23 years ago, I must admit, I thought they were a little more than goofy,with their ideas on family, love, marriage, and even God.  Every time one of the grand kids did something, we were having a celebration. Every time you had a meal, you actually prayed before and sometimes even sang! You always had to listen to old stories of the Captain growing up, or of the ice cream shop where Memaw had her first job, or how they met while Memaw was sitting at a piano at Bethany  College! I mean their was actual conversations going on with each other at the dinner table, not to mention we were sitting at an actual dinner table. Not growing up in a traditional home, I thought this all so bizarre!
However,after a few years of dating the Captain, I knew this was EXACTLY want I wanted for my own family one day. Over the years, they have loved me, embraced me, and taught me about life. They have accepted me as their own daughter, not a daughter in law,They have included me as a part of not just their family, but also their life.
Memaw and Popop are the couple you imagine when you are getting ready to say "I Do". They are the dream you have of growing old with the one you love. They are the picture in your mind,of what true love looks like. They are an example of what christian love and marriage should be.
 In the 23 years I have been in this family, I have watched Popop love, honor and cherish his bride. I have witnessed Memaw care, support and encourage her groom. You see they are HOPE, that not all promises are broken. They are ENCOURAGEMENT, that love can last forever, as long as you don't give up on it. They are JOY, that we can find our happily ever after.
The world needs more Memaw's and Popop's, more examples of positive marriages, more examples of love, grace and humility. I hope one day when the Captain and I are turning 82 and 86 that we will look back on our life, and have left a legacy such as this.
Happy Birthday Memaw and Popop, thank you for being such a blessing in my life, thanks for loving me and thanks for your beautiful marriage. Today, you should be receiving the gifts, but I find that I am the one who got the greatest gift.. Thank you for raising the Captain to be a Godly man, for setting the bar high, and giving us an example of a great marriage!

A Month of Blessings

This month, with the onset of homeschooling, has gotten pretty overwhelming. Add cross country practice and baseball, violin lessons, home school PE(starting next week!) and 1 day a week enrichment school! Whew, I'm tired just writing it all down. Yes, we home-school our children, however, I use the term "home" loosely!

We have had a great start to a new year, so I am not complaining. Its actually what I believe God has called for our family. What I have to be careful about though, is saying "yes" to everything, trying out too many activities, and slowing our pace down, so that we can not only enjoy the freedoms of homeschooling, but also the benefits of homeschooling.
This month(Sept.) we are going to do a family project together. We are going to make an "Our Family Blessings" book. I am really excited about it, even though I got the usual groans and moans of the kids,"another thing to do?", "really, I don't want to!" Let me call the Whambulance!!!!! Yes, we are creating this wonderful home made family book, and You All will thank me later, maybe much later, way down the road later, but you will thank me.

The idea came to me because, lately on my heart, I feel that we as a society are so consumed with what everyone else has,or does and are so thorough in counting up everyone else's blessings, that we forget to count our own. Then at church on Sunday, I heard about a woman making a blessings diary, and it hit me, we are going to do that as a family. I want my family,I am including myself here, to realize how much we actually have,and how blessed we are on a daily,weekly, monthly and yearly basis. Its a simple idea, we have a book that we design and decorate, and every day each of us will write one thing that  blessed us that day, and one thing we did to bless someone else.I want to teach my children, and remind myself, its not just about receiving the blessing,but more importantly.. its about being a blessing.

 In this day and age, too many young people are growing up with the concept of "its all about me", and instant gratification. I want my children to grow up,  knowing how blessed they are,and to stop comparing what they have or don't have as the measure of success. I want them to know how to live in contentment in the place they are right now, NOT, to be confused with complacence.
There is a difference: contentment is being at peace, and knowing that God has you EXACTLY where he wants you, however, you continue to strive towards your goals, and successes. Complacent is the opposite, where you are so comfortable being in a place, you do not grow or move, and that is not what God calls us to do. If you are not growing, spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally,or even successfully, you are dead.

 I want to teach my children that our blessings, their blessings, will look completely different than any one else's, and why wouldn't it? We are all uniquely made, and our creator knows what is the best for each of us.I also want this to help them  become more aware of the small daily blessings, instead of always looking for the huge,miraculous, ones.I still believe in those, don't get me wrong, however, I don't want them to miss out on the daily ones. I also want to instill in them a desire to give back, to be a blessing to someone else. In this world, we are so programmed be takers,however, there is a need for each of us to give also. We tend to push that unselfish part of our being  down so deep that we can ignore it, and forget about it. But,we were created to give back to our community, our family, the poor, the widowed and the children.When we satisfy that need to give from within, we not only become a blessing to another, the giving act itself, becomes the blessing. In this monthly blessing book, I pray that we each grow more towards a thankful heart. I hope that we each become more aware of our surroundings, that we each can go out of our own comfort zones to help someone else, listen to, care for,and encourage. I want us to grow closer as a family, and learn to put the needs of each other above the needs of ourselves. And I want us to sit back and just watch how amazing our Heavenly Father really is! I can not wait to see how this month goes and I can not wait to share how our lives and hearts are changed:) 

Being Extra Ordinary in an Extraordinary Family...

Every year our family goes to St. George Island, we now consider this place "our island". We stay in a house with all of us, and every year that number grows, as does our family. My family is extraordinary, which is fine except for the fact that I  am not. I am extra ordinary, which is total opposite of extraordinary.When you are emerged in a family with great dynamics, sometimes it can become

very difficult to see where or how you  you "fit".
 I drive a mini van, I live in a modest house, married my college sweetheart, and home school my children. I don't hold a high exec position, I don't have my own program,I don't speak around the world, and  if I were to look at my life this way, then yes, I am extra ordinary related to the extraordinary. Throughout the week, I was feeling that maybe I  needed to do something greater, or bigger so that I could be extraordinary too.. maybe I should stand out more, be outrageous, become famous, or discover a cure,but at the end of the day, I had decided that my simple life was just what is was, extra ordinary. So I started examining my own life,and I thought I would find, extra ordinary me, but when I looked closer, I found extraordinary.
What I have realized is that being extra ordinary, in its own way is extraordinary.I have been happily married to my husband for 18 years(extraordinary), I have been homeschooling my children successfully for 8 years(extraordinary), I have done a tough mudder, 8 triathlons, 1 half marathon and a dozen other races(extraordinary), I have owned my own company(extraordinary), I have written a children's book( extraordinary), I know who I am, but more importantly who I belong to (extraordinary), I have friends who love me(extraordinary) and I am loved and accepted by my entire family(extraordinary).
Maybe  extraordinary doesn't necessarily come from doing or being something great, maybe it comes from doing all of the "extra ordinary" daily things in my life.
It is in my extra ordinary teachings that I do with my children that they will remember. It is in my extra ordinary way I love my spouse, my children, family and friends that they all cherish. It is in the extra ordinary way I work diligently and give it my best that sets an example. It is in my extra ordinary commitment and faithfulness to my Heavenly Father,that becomes my testimony. It is in the extra ordinary way I listen to or encourage someone. You see,it is in my every day, extra ordinary, life that creates my extraordinary! Being extra ordinary is even in the word itself, Extraordinary.
We are all extraordinarily, extra ordinary. God does not create us to be anything less. His plan for my life, may look different from my families, but its His plan that is made perfect for me. Yes, everyone, in my family is extraordinary, even little ole extra ordinary Me!

Picking the Marshmallows

This morning I caught Liam dumping out his favorite cereal,fruit loops with marshmallows. I knew EXACTLY what he was doing. He was searching for his favorite part... the marshmallows. As I was watching him, I thought to myself, wow, I wish I could "dump" out all of my life cereal, and be left with only the marshmallows. You know the"good" stuff. The "sweet" stuff. The"fun" stuff. And leave all the "cereal" where it belongs, sitting in an open box, slightly stale and eventually someone will go by and throw it in the trash.
In his defense when the marshmallows were getting low, or he couldn't find one, he ate the cereal.. Not as enthusiastically, but he ate them nonetheless. He did it part because he saw me watching him, and part because, even at three, he knows that to really get to all the marshmallows, you do have to eat some of the cereal too. To find just the right color or flavor that he so desired, he would have to eat the cereal to get to the bottom of the box.
As an adult, I sat there thinking how simple it would be to leave the "cereal" and pick through the marshmallows of my own life . But, do I really want that? Although I think I would love for my life to only be happy, easy, exciting and fun, would I miss the trials, and tribulations that arise? I don't know. If I left those things behind, would the marshmallows taste as sweet? I believe at times I think and even long for only the "marshmallows", I mean who doesn't? Who wants to go willingly through the pain, struggles and worries that this life offers? I do not know anyone that would elect that over the the other. However, when it comes down to it, I know without the challenges in this life, I would miss the the things that have made it so filling and meaningful.
If I had never had to witness a death of a loved one, I would never know what it means to make every day count. If I had never felt the pain of childbirth, I would never have been blessed with my three children. If I had never known a loved one to struggle with alcohol,or abuse, I would never have learned compassion . If I had never struggled with loss of jobs,or loss of income, I would never have learned to manage my money well. And if I have never had any struggles, or hurts, I would never have had a reason to seek my Heavenly Father.
You see, I would love for my life to be all marshmallows, but if it were, I would have missed out on some key points in my life..These our things that  you don't, and won't find only eating the "sweet" stuff in your life.
At three, I only want Liam to eat the marshmallows, I don't mind. I am here to throw away all the leftover cereal. He deserves his life to be filled with marshmallows, right now. But, I do not wish that for him for the rest of his life. I want him, as for all my children, to fully live and feel this life, and with that you need to eat the cereal. When they are faced with a challenge, and overcome them, it will add growth to their life, but more importantly to their character.
 Next week I will be going to our annual St. George Island trip, with my whole family(aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews). And for this one week, I plan on picking out ALL the marshmallows, and eating only the "sweet" stuff..

Teenage Wasteland

     I am in the throes of teenage-hood. I have lived the past 15 years floating through my life in an enclosed bubble. With homeschooling, and being a stay at home mother, it has been easy for me to control the areas of my kids lives, choose friends, activities etc.
Until, these past few months. Now I know that teenagers need to explore their limits, test the waters, and challenge their boundaries. I know this is God's way of helping us parents, 1-practice our patience, and 2-look forward to them leaving for college! However, is any parent ready for the change that creeps into their structured, neat life? Maybe after the first one has been through these years, it gets easier, not to go through, but, easier to recognize the signs that okay tomorrow is going to be the day that my teenager wakes up and becomes someone I have never met!
     Well, the past few weeks have been such a lesson in life for the Gary family. I am not going into the details of the situation, so for some of you, you will stop reading, because that is what its about. knowing someone else' problems so that it makes yours somehow seem smaller or less significant. Or maybe, so you can judge my parenting or lack their of, and feel puffed up that,"at least that has never happened in our family". So, no the details, are not even a necessity for this post. But, for you curiosity seekers, I will tell you it is probably worse than some of you have dealt with ,and minor compared to what others have endured. This post is about what we have learned as a family, so that maybe all you parents who have not yet traveled down this road may be able to learn something from it, or for those of you who have,"been"there, "done" that ,could remember what it was like and pray for us, knowing this too shall pass.
     1.Do not be so quick to judge another parent for something their teenager has done, is doing or may try.. because most likely you just haven't caught yours yet.
      2.Have all of your teenagers codes, to facebook, instagram, twitter, tumblr, phone,email, and text,but its not just okay to have them, use them,check on them randomly.( also know what all of these are, and keep up with the latest,greatest trend on the internet)
      3.This is the time to have more family time, not less. Family dinners is a great way to ask questions, not the generic, but the hard ,direct questions. However, don't just stop at a dinner, BE a FAMILY, movie nights, board games(yes, they still make them), card games,whatever to engage your teenager, but spend quality time and if you don't have time, MAKE it, this is not an option, its a requirement.
        4. Know their friends, and their friends parents. Have them over ALOT! I know you have to deal with one teenager and now I am asking you to deal with ten, but you need to be involved in knowing what they are up too, how they act, speak, but most importantly they need to know your rules, expectations and beliefs. However, do not include yourself so much, they think you are part of their "group", because you are not their friend, you are the parent,."THE PARENT", they don't want to try and test,and they should be a little scared about.Because, like I tell my teenager, I can do crazy, and I do it really, really well!
        5. Have days that NO ONE is allowed on the internet, including yourselves.We recognized that when we are home, we all have had too much time alone on our computers, phones, ipads, ipods etc. we began to see  how we were all starting to live separate, because lets face it, its easier,when we are all tired and what ever other excuse you got.. This is DANGEROUS, let me repeat DANGEROUS. Too many times that is when your teenager starts slipping away, when they don't have to interact with you on a daily basis, who are they interacting with? If you are not their main influence, who becomes their main influence? that's right their friends, who are stupid teenagers too!
         6. Another thing,the internet can be a wonderful tool, however, most teenagers will and have abused it. There are so many easy ways to access the information on the internet,and there are no filters.The computer should be used in  an area where anyone can walk by and see it. However, with ipods, iphones, and any other smaller device they will have access. You need to teach your children about YOUR rules on the internet , and if that is abused the internet will go away. Yes, we are going to feel like we are being punished also, but I FIRMLY believe, we are in battle with the media, you- tube,and  advertisements that want to expose our kids earlier and earlier to things that are inappropriate, and desensitize them to the way of the "world".
         7. Just because, they are a "good" kid, a "christian" kid, a "straight A student" kid, a "star athlete" kid ,they are still  a teenager, with all the same curiosity,and have all the same peer pressures as any other kid. Do not be fooled and have the "it won't happen to me" syndrome, because it will, unless you can keep them on complete lock down until they are 18(which I did consider)anything that occu their time.
           8. Peer pressure is a real thing. You spend all these years raising your kids, pouring into their lives your values and morals, then they meet one person and in 15 minutes, they have more influence over them than you did. It sucks, but its true. It doesn't mean you stop giving them guidance, it means you fight even harder for them. And if you think its not a fight to keep your teenager from getting through all of this, your a fool. We have to fight for them, now more than ever.
            9. Talk about the hard stuff. Don't be embarrassed to ask the tough questions. Most likely, you will learn more from them, than the other way around. Your kids know about sex, drugs, drinking, and probably in detail(thanks internet) too. Don't let them take the easy way out either, make them look you in the eyes when they are talking about it, educate them and educate them some more.
and the most important thing:
           10. Pray for them daily, ask God for guidance,patience and wisdom. Pray before you talk with them. Do not be reactive, be proactive.  Be their biggest advocate ,be firm. Let them know they can come to you without judgement or condemnation, they need to know its safe to do that. AND Love them, love them  unconditionally,and never give up or become complacent, after all your raising a teenager now, life is just getting interesting!

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Mailbox Meeting #2-Your Best is Not Good Enough

     I ran into H. a few days ago, and just in time too! My daughter is growing up,(ugh!), and I am having a hard time letting go! I want to protect her from everyone, and everything. Which is impossible, I know this in my head, but my heart has not caught up yet!
     So I was pleasantly surprised to run into H. at the mailbox, with lots on my mind, questions and digging for her support on how everything I am "doing" right when it comes to her. I am one of those overly involved mother, is there such a thing? I want to know where she is, who she is with, what she is doing, and when she will be home, back to the safety of my watchful eye! However, I know this is not practical, and yet every part of my body fights to protect her. Regan is a good kid, actually she is a great kid., and she hangs out with great kids.Its just that they are all starting to drive now, and she wants to go so many places. We are in a dilemma  I am not ready to hand her off to just any driver,it really scares me. I am fearful of her getting into the wrong car, with the wrong driver. I am afraid they will be distracted by the radio, the phone or texting.  Raising a teenager is much different than I thought. You no longer only have to worry about trusting yourself with them, but you have to put your trust into them, and the friends they are around. You can't be there for everything they do, first it would be weird, and second they would be committing social suicide!
     Anyway, I was telling H. and asking her advice on letting Regan drive with a friend of hers, and then I proceed to tell her all the reasons why she is not going to do this, or that. I explain about all the "rules" I have in place, and safeguards. I plead my case to her, while she stands there and listens, with a part smile on her face, because she has already been where I am. She looks at me like she has a secret to share and is waiting for an opportune time to tell me. I finally finish, and look to her to congratulate me on how successful I am at being  a parent. However, when she replies, it is not what I expected.
She says,"Brenda, you need to know, your best is not good enough,its never going to be good enough."
 What?? I look to see if she is joking.. My best isn't what? I mean, I get the best parent award, so I am confused. I start to wonder, does she think my standards are too low? Do I need to do more?
and then in true H. fashion, she explains to me this:
     As parents we can do everything we think is right or good, and still bad things will happen.  We cannot protect them from everything, and everybody and that is why we have to give them to Christ, and trust Him to keep them safe. She reminded me, what I had forgotten, that there is someone who loves my daughter more than me, someone perfect. Christ.  However, giving up control, is a very hard concept for me. Trusting completely is even harder.Our best, my best, is never going to be good enough, because we are human and flawed.We cannot see the future, we cannot predict the unpredictable, but Christ can. The most important thing I can do for my daughter, is to pray for her. Daily. Pray for her safety, for her protection, and for her health.
     I think Christ gives us children, so that we can learn from them, see Him through them,but mostly to learn about ourselves, and see where we need improvement in moving towards a Christ centered life.When they are little, it is easy to keep a strong grip on them, to keep the control over their needs and wants, but as they get older, learning how to let go of that control is even harder. However, by doing so, it allows us to give it back to the One who has  been in control all along. It helps us to grow closer to Christ,( I mean have you ever prayed more than at a time when your teenager is coming home at night in someone elses' car!), it makes us rely on the One, who created them.
     As H. and I finished our conversation, I felt lighter.The sole responsibility of my daughters safety is not a burden I have to carry alone. No, I am not ready to say "yes" to everything, I will still be cautious. Rules will still be in place, but I am learning that I need to put my trust in the One perfect parent, My Heavenly Father, who will never leave her nor forsake her, and loves her more than I ever possibly could.
And although, my best will never be good enough, I sure as heck am gonna keep trying!