Wednesday, May 1, 2013

What's the Secret?

     The captain and I just celebrated 18 happy years of marriage..Time has gone so fast, it makes my head spin. Although its all relative, anyway. Its longer than some marriages and shorter than many. However, when you say you've been married for 18 years to anyone, the next thing out of there mouths is "What's your secret?" So I started to think about it and I asked a few long term married couples.
Here is the responses:
Popop (married 60 yrs this June)- There is no "divorce"alternative, you find the solution to the problem, and fix it,period.
Memaw (married to Popop)- its a secret, but I promise it will be worth the wait!
Pastor Martin (married 62 yrs)-you make sure you marry the person from the head up, because we are all the same from the head down.
Evelyn (married to pastor Martin)-You make sure you continue to have the same interest, if he likes bowling, you better go bowling.
Mary (married over 30 yrs to a pilot)-make sure when he comes home you have great sex together, because when times get tough you have the sex, it will hold the marriage together.
The captain (married 18 yrs)-Let your wife win..most of the time.
And Me (married to the Captain)Choose to love you husband for ALL the things he does right, and not for the few things he may have done wrong.
 Marriage takes hard work, determination, dedication, and down right stubbornness! It requires lots of patience,respect, a whole lot of compromising with a little bit of luck! Marriage, is a gift from our heavenly father, although sometimes we may feel like its a curse! To tell you our marriage is perfect, would be a lie. There is no "perfect" anything.We are imperfect women, married to imperfect men, so there will be struggles,and challenges. Its how we handle those that bring us to the joy, and successes..Every year in  marriage, and in every season, the secret changes. There is no "one" secret, but many different ones, that you collect along the years, tuck away, and reflect on.
After 18 years of marriage,I've learned that having a great marriage, isn't about a secret, its about loving ,honoring and cherishing the other person more than yourself. Its about being selfless, on a daily basis.It's not just the big events, or surprises,that happen a couple of times a year(bdays,Christmas,Anniversaries etc) ,but the small moments in our every day life that creates a great marriage.
Its going out of your way to bring her coffee home from her favorite place. Its  always having clean sheets on the bed, even if he is out of town for only one night. Its going to Walmart for tampons, at 1am because, she forgot them at the grocery. Its  letting him sleep in, and getting the kids to school all by yourself. Its  bringing her flowers on a rainy Monday, for no reason. It's doing his laundry at midnight for a quick turn around trip. Its rubbing her head at night when she can't sleep. Its in the compliment you say about him to your friends.Its allowing her to take a long, hot bath, without the kids finding out what she's doing.Its letting him pick Sonny's for the umpteenth time. Its in the way he looks at her,in a crowded room and she knows exactly what he is thinking or wants.Its pushing him to follow his dream,and supporting his career with minor complaints. Its being at every finish line of every one of her races.Its about touching his hand,and he knows he's gonna get lucky.Its agreeing to one of her crazy ideas,to see her happy. Its singing his song at karaoke.  Its dancing with her with his two left feet.Its watching shows about airplanes and acting interested.  Its taking her side every time,even when she is wrong.Its in every kiss, every look, every glance,every sigh, and every day.
No, I don't know "the secret" to a happy, successful marriage... But I know "our" secrets to a happy, successful marriage.


Deb Dutilh said...

This is a beautiful poignantly true post. Happy Anniversary and wishing you a continued lifetime of shared secrets that keep your love alive.

Debi - The Romantic Vineyard said...

Oh my goodness, I didn't know you started this blog! I love this post and I love that I get to watch your marriage day in and day out. What a wonderful post, no--blah, blahing like your title suggests.