My best friend and I are training for our next triathlon in Sept. We each decided at the start of our training what our goals for this next race would be, and our reason for competing. I think if you don't have a clear goal, when training gets hard(and it will) or when it gets tough(and it does) you lose your focus on why you are doing it in the first place and may give up. So for this race, her goal is to be able to run(no stopping) the 5k, and mine is to shave off two minutes of my swim. They may seem simple, but it takes time and dedication to accomplish these goals.
We are on a strict running schedule with her,because she has never run before,(the last race, she walked the run), and so we can not afford to miss one of our running sessions.
Sunday night, we left a little earlier than usual, trying to get finished before the rain, and well, that didn't work. Half way through our run, a huge thunderstorm came on us. It was not a light sprinkle, the wind was blowing, the thunder booming, and the rain was coming down so hard you could barley see. At one point we were going to just stop, quit and pick it up another time. However, we realized what if this happens in our race,we would have to make a decsion, there are no take backs,so would we just give up, not finish, stop 2/3Rd's of the way through the triathlon? No, we wouldn't.We would press forward. So that is what we did. We ran through that thunderstorm, we were soaked, our clothes weighed an extra two pounds, but still we ran. We laughed,and thought how crazy we must have looked! At one turn the rain would let up a few seconds and then.. bam.., it would pour over us again. It was fun, and thrilling, we ran faster than we had before. We finished our task at hand.
Training is so unpredictable, it has so many variables, such as the weather, what you ate, what you drank, your soreness, rest, clothes, shoes etc. But if you let those things stop you,or hinder your training you may never finish your task. When it rained on us, I thought, this is life, sometimes everything is sunshine and at those times its easy to stay focused and train,that's the easy days.Its the times when it rains and pours that build your character. It's in those times, that you have a choice to make. You can stay the course, push through and finish it, or you can give up and quit. It is at these times that help define who we are, and what we are made of. It is in these times, that we must complete our race, we can not afford to give up on our goal or ourselves. Finishing the race is the goal,finishing it well is the prize.
I hope it rains again tomorrow.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Insecurity
I don't really know when all my insecurities began. I try to sit back and think about it, but its mostly a blur. It seems my whole life there was just one or more of them always there, invading my thoughts, my life, my behavior. I know that these past few years I have worked really hard through some of them, but the most deep ones, are still there. On my good days they are nonexistent, but still waiting in the crevices of my dark places to jump out at a moments notice. I guess I am bringing this up because I saw this book at the store, and it caught my eye. The title is ,So Long Insecurity, you've been a bad friend to us, by Beth Moore, of course I picked it up,read the back, and the first line is, you considered this book because you saw the word insecurity! Yes, I am a victim, as thousands of women are, from some sort or many sorts of insecurities and as a mother of a young daughter, I want to avoid possibly handing down my baggage to her.
I think one of my biggest insecurities comes from my body image. I have this warped idea of how I am supposed to look. Sure,I could blame it on the media, but this began back in the late 70's and I wasn't really watching much TV then.
I can remember my grandmother always making references to my body weight, size, or appearance. I was never allowed second helpings at her house, and to this day I still wondered why I was never allowed the "pretty" plate. It was a cheap white plate, with flowers all around the edges, nothing special and now you could probably buy it at the dollar store, but to a 7 yr. old, it was the prettiest thing I had ever seen. The plate was never offered to me, and when I requested it,I was denied, leaving me heartbroken and feeling not good enough, or "pretty" enough or something enough to be allowed one serving on this plate.Its amazing a cheap plate is all it takes to make one feel no self worth. I think that is when this whole thing started, This road of self destruction and my quest for the "perfect" body.
Growing up, I tried all sorts of quick fixes. It was really hard to measure up,anything I did never seemed to be "enough". I tried all the diets, the pills, even starving myself, to obsessing over exercise. Temporarily, it would work, but then something would happen ie, boyfriend break-up, fight with a parent, or friend, and I would once again be back to where I was when I started.
Honestly, until two years ago, I didn't have a handle on being healthy. When I began training for my first triathlon, I began healing. I can't explain how it cleansed me. The ironic thing is, all the training was transforming the outside of my body, but the real healing was taking place on the inside. I write this, because I believe all women have a hang up about their looks or body. It can become paralyzing, a handicap if you allow it to take over your life. We, as women, begin to judge one another based on our size, instead of on our hearts. We begin to measure our self worth based on our waist size, we began to believe that our beauty is on the outside, we put ourselves in unhealthy relationships, and live unhealthy lives.I am still trying to figure it out, not let my daughter catch my too often on the scale,learning to take a compliment and just say thank you, not follow it up with something negative about my body and to not obsess over these last few, okay 10 pounds ,that I need to lose. Our daughters are watching, our neices are watching us.I am not saying its bad to improve you health,by exercising and eating healthy, I applaud all women any shape or size for taking control of their lives.I am saying we need to get a handle on who we are doing it for, and why we are doing it. Its still a struggle for me, but I know that one day I will finally see myself in the mirror, as Christ See's me, A Beautiful Daughter of the king.
This book says insecurities are curable,I am trying hard not to skip to the end, so until then I will continue healing the only way I know how, by training for my next triathlon in September,so that I can contine to strengthen my body so that I may have the strength to face life, and life, no matter how well lived, is hard.
I think one of my biggest insecurities comes from my body image. I have this warped idea of how I am supposed to look. Sure,I could blame it on the media, but this began back in the late 70's and I wasn't really watching much TV then.
I can remember my grandmother always making references to my body weight, size, or appearance. I was never allowed second helpings at her house, and to this day I still wondered why I was never allowed the "pretty" plate. It was a cheap white plate, with flowers all around the edges, nothing special and now you could probably buy it at the dollar store, but to a 7 yr. old, it was the prettiest thing I had ever seen. The plate was never offered to me, and when I requested it,I was denied, leaving me heartbroken and feeling not good enough, or "pretty" enough or something enough to be allowed one serving on this plate.Its amazing a cheap plate is all it takes to make one feel no self worth. I think that is when this whole thing started, This road of self destruction and my quest for the "perfect" body.
Growing up, I tried all sorts of quick fixes. It was really hard to measure up,anything I did never seemed to be "enough". I tried all the diets, the pills, even starving myself, to obsessing over exercise. Temporarily, it would work, but then something would happen ie, boyfriend break-up, fight with a parent, or friend, and I would once again be back to where I was when I started.
Honestly, until two years ago, I didn't have a handle on being healthy. When I began training for my first triathlon, I began healing. I can't explain how it cleansed me. The ironic thing is, all the training was transforming the outside of my body, but the real healing was taking place on the inside. I write this, because I believe all women have a hang up about their looks or body. It can become paralyzing, a handicap if you allow it to take over your life. We, as women, begin to judge one another based on our size, instead of on our hearts. We begin to measure our self worth based on our waist size, we began to believe that our beauty is on the outside, we put ourselves in unhealthy relationships, and live unhealthy lives.I am still trying to figure it out, not let my daughter catch my too often on the scale,learning to take a compliment and just say thank you, not follow it up with something negative about my body and to not obsess over these last few, okay 10 pounds ,that I need to lose. Our daughters are watching, our neices are watching us.I am not saying its bad to improve you health,by exercising and eating healthy, I applaud all women any shape or size for taking control of their lives.I am saying we need to get a handle on who we are doing it for, and why we are doing it. Its still a struggle for me, but I know that one day I will finally see myself in the mirror, as Christ See's me, A Beautiful Daughter of the king.
This book says insecurities are curable,I am trying hard not to skip to the end, so until then I will continue healing the only way I know how, by training for my next triathlon in September,so that I can contine to strengthen my body so that I may have the strength to face life, and life, no matter how well lived, is hard.
I'm Back..
Wow! 2010, really came in roaring. It is the middle of April and I am just feeling like I am getting my barings back! Well, First, Liam, decided to make his appearance two weeks early at 3am in the morning! I thought I had peed the bed, but no my water broke and off to the hospital to meet our little man 2 hours later!
Next, at the end of February, Bob got a new job. Yes, still in the aviation field. The best thing about the job is he is able to be home more! The worst part of the job, he is home more! LOL , No, seriously,it was a great opportunity for us, as a family. Next, as we were getting settled in to our routine, Regan broke her ankle in three places! So between her and Liam, we seem to always be at a dr. appt every week.
Finally,in the middle of April , we are back on track!
Homeschooling is going well, although, we have to make lots of adjustments. Bob's new job is in full swing. And Regan is managing to get around on crutches. I have even been able to get back to the gym the last two weeks!
Bob has been reminding me continuousle that I haven't written in a long time.( He is my biggest fan!) So, although I am gonna try to write more reguarly, I can't make any promises, because life is hapening at the Gary's and its new every day!
Next, at the end of February, Bob got a new job. Yes, still in the aviation field. The best thing about the job is he is able to be home more! The worst part of the job, he is home more! LOL , No, seriously,it was a great opportunity for us, as a family. Next, as we were getting settled in to our routine, Regan broke her ankle in three places! So between her and Liam, we seem to always be at a dr. appt every week.
Finally,in the middle of April , we are back on track!
Homeschooling is going well, although, we have to make lots of adjustments. Bob's new job is in full swing. And Regan is managing to get around on crutches. I have even been able to get back to the gym the last two weeks!
Bob has been reminding me continuousle that I haven't written in a long time.( He is my biggest fan!) So, although I am gonna try to write more reguarly, I can't make any promises, because life is hapening at the Gary's and its new every day!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Baby Makes Five!
Capt.Bob and I are happy to announce our newest little co-pilot..
Liam Eric Gary.. Jan. 24,2010 6:31am weighing in at 7pds 12oz, 21 in. long! He joins our other flight crew members,Big sister, Regan(11) and Big brother,Nolan(6)!
Monday, January 11, 2010
3 weeks left until D-Day
Lately, I find people to be very annoying,and rude.I don't know if its the pregnancy, or if people all of a sudden have just started to suck. But here are some things that I cant believe people say,or to an obviously 9 month pregnant woman.
1. Wow, you really are big. I mean huge, how much weight did you gain?
2. Your baby is gonna be huge(because I am so big I guess!_)
3. Don't worry the only thing that got big is your stomach and your ass.
4. How are you gonna lose that weight after the baby is born?
5. Yeah, your nose has really spread out.
6. Are you sure there are not two in there?
7. Have you picked a name yet? then I tell them. Really? hmmm, really? I don't know if I can pronounce it, like it, why would you name the baby that?
8. Man, you took the eating for two really seriously, huh?
9. I heard you were pregnant again, why? two wasn't enough?
this is what I want to say,but don't. Leave me alone, I am growing a human being in my uterus, I am supposed to be 32 pounds heavier because I am pregnant not fat. Yes, I know how much I weigh, because every week by some cruel twist of fate,I have a weigh in at my dr's office and know EXACTLY how much has been added to my stomach, and for that matter my ass.
I will lose the weight just like I did with my other pregnancies, with hard work, exercise, and breastfeeding. My weight gain, etc. is only temporary, your attitude, and rudeness and lack of social etiquites is something you will have to live with.We love the name we chose, it has meaning, is strong and family heritage. so suck it.
AND at the end of the day, I will be coming home with a beautiful, little baby, and it will all be worth it!
Oh, here are a few things you could say instead...
1. you look great.
2. you look great
3. you look great.
4. you look great.
5 you look great.
6 you look great.
7 you look great.
8 you look great.
or you could keep your damn mouth shut and say nothing at all.....
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Checking off my list
Both of my children have sent off their letter's to Santa, and I have discovered my new favorite way to shop.. Its called Amazon. I have never been one to use the Internet to shop, I have always loved to go to the stores and pick out the toys, and presents, but this year I am pulling the pregnancy card! With a husband gone for the next three weeks, I deserve to!
I have ordered and already shipped out of towners presents, with a click of a button.. I have ordered most of the kids presents and they should be here next week..wrapped! All for free shipping, and no impulse buying on my way out of the checkout line.
I am almost done with Christmas shopping from the comfort of my bed,no lines, no rude people, no extra money spent, no wrapping until midnight on Christmas Eve, and I swear I have saved lots of money in the process!
How come no one told me about this before , pregnant or not, I am convinced this is the way to go. I still want to go out to the malls and watch the people scrounge around trying to find gifts, but now I can just sit and relax and enjoy my hot Carmel apple spice latte. I only have one more stop to make, Publix, they have gift cards for every place in town.. It seems strange to be done shopping this early, I hope the mail isn't late.
I have ordered and already shipped out of towners presents, with a click of a button.. I have ordered most of the kids presents and they should be here next week..wrapped! All for free shipping, and no impulse buying on my way out of the checkout line.
I am almost done with Christmas shopping from the comfort of my bed,no lines, no rude people, no extra money spent, no wrapping until midnight on Christmas Eve, and I swear I have saved lots of money in the process!
How come no one told me about this before , pregnant or not, I am convinced this is the way to go. I still want to go out to the malls and watch the people scrounge around trying to find gifts, but now I can just sit and relax and enjoy my hot Carmel apple spice latte. I only have one more stop to make, Publix, they have gift cards for every place in town.. It seems strange to be done shopping this early, I hope the mail isn't late.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Swamp Monster
My pool is my biggest Nemesis. I was so eager to have one when we were house hunting, and now I realize sometimes even when you think you want something so bad, and you finally get it 1. Its never as great as it seems 2. You may want it, but probably don't need it 3. If you husband warns you over and over, you will be sorry, you may want to listen to him, because then you spend the next five years hearing,"I told You so!".
Anyway, although its been a hardship for me, my children have spent hours of fun times in that pool,and have had some great parties. But, it has come from hours of mine and Bob's sacrifice of cleaning, chemicals,and scrubbing. And sometimes to no avail, it still will turn as green and slimy as a swamp!
The past month we have been dealing with this thing. And finally today, it actually looks teal! Not clear, but I can see the top step! SOOOO it got me thinking as I stare out my window looking at the pool this morning. It really could be a metaphor for my life!
I spend lots of time in my life putting things into it, things that I am hoping will change the swampiness of it, to clear. It is so hard for me to keep the balance sometimes, that I want to give up, and just call a repair man, so that I don't have to continue to dig into the problem.
Like keeping my pool clean, I want a quick fix with my life, I want to pour something into it, and be done. If I could just add this, maybe some of that, and take out some of this, and whoola! Its back to being the perfect life, I dreamed it would be.
But, in actuality, it takes such hard work, consistency,and fierce dedication that I fall short so much. I peer into my life and see that there is still, maybe not the swamp, but the green and slimy. I know that the ingredient I have been forgetting to pour in, is my Heavenly Father.I know then, that I have been trying to clear my life, with things that will not work, things that will even possibly change the color back to swamp. I realize in this crazy, mean, complicated world, only Christ can change my swampy water into the crystal clear water that I so long to see. Okay, maybe it will never be crystal clear water in this lifetime, but I would, at this point, settle for some light green! I don't know why, I haven't learned this yet,I don't know why I keep trying to clear it on my own. But,maybe that is how it works, your life is clear when you are born, and then slowly because you are not taking the time to nuture it, pray about it, or pour Christ into it,your color starts to slowly turn teal, then green and then swampy. And then we try on our own to "fix" it, and it just continues to get worse and worse,it may even clear temporarily, but until the key ingredient is added, Jesus Christ, we will never clear the water, it is simply impossible.
I know that my pool did not start off as a swamp, but that's what it became. And even though I sometimes get the color to change , I know the moment I stop pouring in the "right" stuff, it will turn again. Its a vicious cycle.
Yes, my pool is finally clearing up,after weeks of working on it. After making 5 trips to the pool store,and 8 gallons of chlorine, Bob and I finally realized we had been leaving out a chemical that we needed, and that no matter how hard we worked, it was never going to change without it.
We put that chemical in last night,and this morning-it finally changed. No, its not the perfect color yet, but we will still continue to add some of this, and take out some of that diligently until we see the bottom. But, we will not forget that main chemical again!
Anyway, although its been a hardship for me, my children have spent hours of fun times in that pool,and have had some great parties. But, it has come from hours of mine and Bob's sacrifice of cleaning, chemicals,and scrubbing. And sometimes to no avail, it still will turn as green and slimy as a swamp!
The past month we have been dealing with this thing. And finally today, it actually looks teal! Not clear, but I can see the top step! SOOOO it got me thinking as I stare out my window looking at the pool this morning. It really could be a metaphor for my life!
I spend lots of time in my life putting things into it, things that I am hoping will change the swampiness of it, to clear. It is so hard for me to keep the balance sometimes, that I want to give up, and just call a repair man, so that I don't have to continue to dig into the problem.
Like keeping my pool clean, I want a quick fix with my life, I want to pour something into it, and be done. If I could just add this, maybe some of that, and take out some of this, and whoola! Its back to being the perfect life, I dreamed it would be.
But, in actuality, it takes such hard work, consistency,and fierce dedication that I fall short so much. I peer into my life and see that there is still, maybe not the swamp, but the green and slimy. I know that the ingredient I have been forgetting to pour in, is my Heavenly Father.I know then, that I have been trying to clear my life, with things that will not work, things that will even possibly change the color back to swamp. I realize in this crazy, mean, complicated world, only Christ can change my swampy water into the crystal clear water that I so long to see. Okay, maybe it will never be crystal clear water in this lifetime, but I would, at this point, settle for some light green! I don't know why, I haven't learned this yet,I don't know why I keep trying to clear it on my own. But,maybe that is how it works, your life is clear when you are born, and then slowly because you are not taking the time to nuture it, pray about it, or pour Christ into it,your color starts to slowly turn teal, then green and then swampy. And then we try on our own to "fix" it, and it just continues to get worse and worse,it may even clear temporarily, but until the key ingredient is added, Jesus Christ, we will never clear the water, it is simply impossible.
I know that my pool did not start off as a swamp, but that's what it became. And even though I sometimes get the color to change , I know the moment I stop pouring in the "right" stuff, it will turn again. Its a vicious cycle.
Yes, my pool is finally clearing up,after weeks of working on it. After making 5 trips to the pool store,and 8 gallons of chlorine, Bob and I finally realized we had been leaving out a chemical that we needed, and that no matter how hard we worked, it was never going to change without it.
We put that chemical in last night,and this morning-it finally changed. No, its not the perfect color yet, but we will still continue to add some of this, and take out some of that diligently until we see the bottom. But, we will not forget that main chemical again!
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