Bob has been home for a whole month waiting to go to school for his new toy. The truth is the was dragging on , but now that he will leave tomorrow it seems like it went too fast. He will be gone for 2 weeks, so its really not too bad. He is so ready to start learning about his new plane. I could say he is as excited about that as I am about a shoe sale at Dillard's! Well, you gotta have your priorities straight..
So I will be flying solo, once again. I am not complaining, its just that I have been SPOILED ROTTEN for the last month.
5 reasons I am gonna miss him.
1.He has been taking kids to school, practice, play dates etc.
2.He has been doing all the cooking
3.He has been doing all theYard work
4.He has been fixing things that break around the house
5. there has been lots of loving going on
5 reasons I won't miss him
1.I Can stay in pajamas, until I absolutely have to leave the house
2. I Can watch private practice, & Grey's anatomy without having to explain who is who, or who is sleeping with whom
3.I Can drop the 5 pounds I gained by eating all his good cooking
4.I can buy new things for the house when something breaks
5.and I don't have to say not tonight honey,I got a headache(okay, who am I kidding, I dont ever say this!) I am gonna miss this ALOT!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater
I have a confession to make.. I have cheated on you. Yes, I found something else that was new, and fun, and took less of a commitment from me. I was enticed and lured away by the romance of it all. No, I wasn't angry,my needs were being me. I swear it just"happened".I have been feeling really guilty, and knew I better ask for forgiveness. It was only a few times, and it didn't mean anything. A fling if you will, a walk on the wild side. This is why I haven't been posting too much lately, it was taking up my time. But, I turned my back, and walked away.and I promise to stay faithful.
My face book account has officially been disconnected. Yes, I got caught up with this face book thing. I realized I can not juggle two relationships at once! I joined face book at the encouragement of friends and family. Only to find that once I joined, people from everywhere kept finding me. Don't get me wrong that's great if you have a glowing, innocent past and want to be found. I don't. To both.
I had the account for a few weeks, and it is addicting. I found myself checking messages, responding and getting caught up in it. I had like 47 friends to keep up with in two weeks, I have never had that many friends in my life. It was exhausting.
Many of my old high school classmates, got in touch with me. Fun right? well, if high school was fun for you than yeah, but for me, I never really knew if some comment or picture was going to make its way onto my face book, and embarrass the hell out of me.
I also realized that for the most part, the past is better left, well in the past. Nothing good can come out of revisiting that period of my life. I will admit there were a few people that I would have loved to have kept in touch with, but for the most part, it was dangerous for me and I could see it being a place where my self- destructive behavior could breathe new life.
I know this is probably really dramatic for some of you, but than again you didn't know me than. To be honest, I didn't even know me then. I think face book can be a great tool for some people, but for me I realized it wanted a bigger commitment than I could give, I wanted a fling, it wanted a marriage, I had to end it, abruptly. But don't worry we're still "friends".
My face book account has officially been disconnected. Yes, I got caught up with this face book thing. I realized I can not juggle two relationships at once! I joined face book at the encouragement of friends and family. Only to find that once I joined, people from everywhere kept finding me. Don't get me wrong that's great if you have a glowing, innocent past and want to be found. I don't. To both.
I had the account for a few weeks, and it is addicting. I found myself checking messages, responding and getting caught up in it. I had like 47 friends to keep up with in two weeks, I have never had that many friends in my life. It was exhausting.
Many of my old high school classmates, got in touch with me. Fun right? well, if high school was fun for you than yeah, but for me, I never really knew if some comment or picture was going to make its way onto my face book, and embarrass the hell out of me.
I also realized that for the most part, the past is better left, well in the past. Nothing good can come out of revisiting that period of my life. I will admit there were a few people that I would have loved to have kept in touch with, but for the most part, it was dangerous for me and I could see it being a place where my self- destructive behavior could breathe new life.
I know this is probably really dramatic for some of you, but than again you didn't know me than. To be honest, I didn't even know me then. I think face book can be a great tool for some people, but for me I realized it wanted a bigger commitment than I could give, I wanted a fling, it wanted a marriage, I had to end it, abruptly. But don't worry we're still "friends".
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tricks or Treats
It only took two weeks and five hours yesterday, but Regan finally found her "perfect" Halloween costume! No, it was not the 40$ one. We actually did find that one for 25$, but when she tried it on, she hated it! I can't imagine what it is going to be like when she is looking for a prom dress!
Anyway, I am so excited for her because she is so excited! She loves her costume, and it was her own idea. My kids have tried their costumes on, and ask me every day, how many more days til Halloween.? We are ready for the tricker treaters and for the tricker and treating!
I hate it when people say "we don't celebrate Halloween," whatever, more candy for us!For the record, I don't Celebrate Halloween, I participate in Halloween. We celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas (yes, we believe in Santa Too!).
But, when it comes to Halloween, people get really weird. What is the big deal? I love that my children want to play dress -up, and become something they love or dream of being in the future. I think it facilitates fantasy, imagination, creativity and you get loads of candy. How is that bad? We all remember when we were young and pretended to be super heroes, princesses, soldiers, or ballerinas?
Sometimes as adults we forget the allure, of pretending, even if it is for one night. Becoming something or somebody that you will never be any other night of the year. Skies the limit-
Some adults try to make it about something ugly, and satanic. Children aren't out there trying to raise up the dead, their trying to get as much free candy as they can possibly get.
Let them be children, and enjoy the freedom of being young, and innocent. Don't bring your baggage to my neighborhood.
Also, You are not a better "christian" because you don't participate in Halloween. I mean give me a break, what is the difference between Halloween and a "Fall Festival"?People your kids are not that stupid. There is no difference, except that you feel self-righteous because you didn't participate in the trick or treating. It is called perspective. And DON'T tell my kids they are going to hell, because Halloween is a form of worshiping witches and Satan. Sorry, but we don't sacrifice chickens or poor snake blood all over us before we go door to door!
Oh ,btw, I also think it is rude to not give out candy if you are home. Give out some damn candy. I mean you may not have kids now, but you will someday. You can still have fun giving out candy to nameless children, running up to your door laughing & screaming "Trick or Treat", dressed in all varieties of their wishes and dreams! How can you not love that? Even after my kids are grown and gone, I will always have my front porch light on to hand out candy to the kids, because it brings back so many memories, of times when I was young, and free to be whomever I chose to be! and this year I might just dress up too!
Anyway, I am so excited for her because she is so excited! She loves her costume, and it was her own idea. My kids have tried their costumes on, and ask me every day, how many more days til Halloween.? We are ready for the tricker treaters and for the tricker and treating!
I hate it when people say "we don't celebrate Halloween," whatever, more candy for us!For the record, I don't Celebrate Halloween, I participate in Halloween. We celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas (yes, we believe in Santa Too!).
But, when it comes to Halloween, people get really weird. What is the big deal? I love that my children want to play dress -up, and become something they love or dream of being in the future. I think it facilitates fantasy, imagination, creativity and you get loads of candy. How is that bad? We all remember when we were young and pretended to be super heroes, princesses, soldiers, or ballerinas?
Sometimes as adults we forget the allure, of pretending, even if it is for one night. Becoming something or somebody that you will never be any other night of the year. Skies the limit-
Some adults try to make it about something ugly, and satanic. Children aren't out there trying to raise up the dead, their trying to get as much free candy as they can possibly get.
Let them be children, and enjoy the freedom of being young, and innocent. Don't bring your baggage to my neighborhood.
Also, You are not a better "christian" because you don't participate in Halloween. I mean give me a break, what is the difference between Halloween and a "Fall Festival"?People your kids are not that stupid. There is no difference, except that you feel self-righteous because you didn't participate in the trick or treating. It is called perspective. And DON'T tell my kids they are going to hell, because Halloween is a form of worshiping witches and Satan. Sorry, but we don't sacrifice chickens or poor snake blood all over us before we go door to door!
Oh ,btw, I also think it is rude to not give out candy if you are home. Give out some damn candy. I mean you may not have kids now, but you will someday. You can still have fun giving out candy to nameless children, running up to your door laughing & screaming "Trick or Treat", dressed in all varieties of their wishes and dreams! How can you not love that? Even after my kids are grown and gone, I will always have my front porch light on to hand out candy to the kids, because it brings back so many memories, of times when I was young, and free to be whomever I chose to be! and this year I might just dress up too!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Lost but Found
I have been looking for something for a long time. Something that I had lost. I couldn't remember where I lost it, how I lost it or even when I lost it. I just know that somewhere along the line it was gone. I thought I had placed it somewhere that it would be "safe", and then I forgot where I put it. I thought if I kept it hidden, it would not be able to get hurt, or be destroyed. But,I found that I hid it so well, I couldn't remember the hiding place. I have been searching for it now for many years, sometimes getting distracted in the search and putting it off until I had more time to really look.
This past year and a half, I diligently searched for it, I crawled into tight spaces and dark areas. I spent hours on my knees, crying out, wishing for some direction as to where it was. I took alot of time retracing my steps. I knew it was there, somewhere, right in the most unlikely place, right in front of me, but I just couldn't find it. Maybe even a little afraid to find what condition I had left it in. But I knew I could not give up, it was urgent.
Only recently, I found it. It was the most exhilarating moment for me. My heart started pounding with excitement. I started laughing and crying all at the same time from shear exhaustion from looking for it for so long. It was such a familiar thing,that I don't know how I had lost it at all. It must have been a slow process of losing it, because looking back I don't remember how I had lost it in the first place.
But, now that I have found it, I promise I will take better care of it, I will place it right in front of me, and daily look at it, so that I may NEVER lose it again. I discovered how precious, and wonderful it is, how I should have been taking care of it all along. It is so awesome to find something you lost for such a long time, and then to discover that it was never really lost at all. It was always there, in the place you left it, just waiting to be found.
What have you lost lately? what are you searching for? I encourage you to never give up, because one day when you least expect it, you will find exactly what you had been looking for.
Oh, What did Ifinally find, that had kept me searching for years? I found me!
This past year and a half, I diligently searched for it, I crawled into tight spaces and dark areas. I spent hours on my knees, crying out, wishing for some direction as to where it was. I took alot of time retracing my steps. I knew it was there, somewhere, right in the most unlikely place, right in front of me, but I just couldn't find it. Maybe even a little afraid to find what condition I had left it in. But I knew I could not give up, it was urgent.
Only recently, I found it. It was the most exhilarating moment for me. My heart started pounding with excitement. I started laughing and crying all at the same time from shear exhaustion from looking for it for so long. It was such a familiar thing,that I don't know how I had lost it at all. It must have been a slow process of losing it, because looking back I don't remember how I had lost it in the first place.
But, now that I have found it, I promise I will take better care of it, I will place it right in front of me, and daily look at it, so that I may NEVER lose it again. I discovered how precious, and wonderful it is, how I should have been taking care of it all along. It is so awesome to find something you lost for such a long time, and then to discover that it was never really lost at all. It was always there, in the place you left it, just waiting to be found.
What have you lost lately? what are you searching for? I encourage you to never give up, because one day when you least expect it, you will find exactly what you had been looking for.
Oh, What did Ifinally find, that had kept me searching for years? I found me!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Women in My Life
I have just spent the most amazing mini -beach vacation with my girlfriends~! We spent three glorious days with no kids or hubby's. We ate all day whatever we wanted, chocolate chip pancakes with strawberries, syrup and whip cream was our breakfast! It was delicious, no calories were counted this weekend! We ate cookies, and pie, and dips. We did not skip a meal or a snack. We talked for hours and watched endless mushy, gushy, girl movies. We did not wear makeup,or fancy clothes. We wore whatever was comfortable,sometimes staying in our pajamas until late afternoon.
It was so fun bonding with these women, most of whom I have known for more than a year. It was a time of reflection on our lives, our children, our relationships. It was a totally safe,and trusted environment to just be yourself, a come as you are mentality. I have never been with a group of women who made no judgements or opinions on who I am, but accepted me warts and all(there are alot of warts!). We got real, skeletons came out, personalities were admitted. It was honest, raw, shameless and very freeing.
I have become so blessed by the relationships God has brought into mylife this past year. I have found some amazing women of faith, who are just like me. IMPERFECT. Trying to live their life the best they know how, with many mistakes being made along the way. But knowing that we are all in this together.
There were so many differences in our lifestyles, economic status, age, personalities, and appearances, but somehow we found a way to set all of that aside and come together as women! Supporting each other , encouraging one another, lifting and building each other up.
So many times in my life, I have seen women become my own worst enemy, maybe for no other reason ,but a simple assumption, that was usually wrong .
I guess that is why I am so excited, I found a group of women who allowed me to lay it on the line,be myself completely. I will no longer give up pieces of myself , or change who I am for any friendship. I am who I am. And what I learned this weekend is this, that we are all the same, in more ways than one. We have the same thoughts, ideas, struggles, wounds, insecurities, needs, desires, hopes and dreams. Everyone of us has her own story, most are NOT the fairy tale kinds. We are each striving to leave our own legacy, a new one.
Women are my hero's. We live more passionately, we laugh harder, and we love deeply. We each shine with our own beauty. We are adventurous, courageous, selfless, determined, and strong. We give life and will lay down our lives for the ones we love. We were made in the most intimate image of Our Creator. We each have significant purpose. Do not EVER let anyone convince you otherwise.
Today, go and tell the women in your life how awesome they are, how beautiful they are, and how much you love them... I just did!
It was so fun bonding with these women, most of whom I have known for more than a year. It was a time of reflection on our lives, our children, our relationships. It was a totally safe,and trusted environment to just be yourself, a come as you are mentality. I have never been with a group of women who made no judgements or opinions on who I am, but accepted me warts and all(there are alot of warts!). We got real, skeletons came out, personalities were admitted. It was honest, raw, shameless and very freeing.
I have become so blessed by the relationships God has brought into mylife this past year. I have found some amazing women of faith, who are just like me. IMPERFECT. Trying to live their life the best they know how, with many mistakes being made along the way. But knowing that we are all in this together.
There were so many differences in our lifestyles, economic status, age, personalities, and appearances, but somehow we found a way to set all of that aside and come together as women! Supporting each other , encouraging one another, lifting and building each other up.
So many times in my life, I have seen women become my own worst enemy, maybe for no other reason ,but a simple assumption, that was usually wrong .
I guess that is why I am so excited, I found a group of women who allowed me to lay it on the line,be myself completely. I will no longer give up pieces of myself , or change who I am for any friendship. I am who I am. And what I learned this weekend is this, that we are all the same, in more ways than one. We have the same thoughts, ideas, struggles, wounds, insecurities, needs, desires, hopes and dreams. Everyone of us has her own story, most are NOT the fairy tale kinds. We are each striving to leave our own legacy, a new one.
Women are my hero's. We live more passionately, we laugh harder, and we love deeply. We each shine with our own beauty. We are adventurous, courageous, selfless, determined, and strong. We give life and will lay down our lives for the ones we love. We were made in the most intimate image of Our Creator. We each have significant purpose. Do not EVER let anyone convince you otherwise.
Today, go and tell the women in your life how awesome they are, how beautiful they are, and how much you love them... I just did!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
White Shirts
They gave us new white t-shirts for T-ball clinic this year. DUH, whose bright idea was this?
The person who thought of this obviously does not have a five year old little boy.
I told Nolan as I was putting it on him, "lets try not to mess it up too bad."
He said,"I won't mommy",then he innocently wiped his green runny nosed boogers right on the sleeve!
The person who thought of this obviously does not have a five year old little boy.
I told Nolan as I was putting it on him, "lets try not to mess it up too bad."
He said,"I won't mommy",then he innocently wiped his green runny nosed boogers right on the sleeve!
Monday, October 6, 2008
Hope
Bob and I were taking Nolan to school Friday, and there was a car stopped in the middle of the street, hazard lights blinking. I think Bob's first initial response was" that's a great place to leave your car".
I noticed all the cars just swerving around the car in a hurry to get where they needed to be. When we pulled up next to the car, I looked in and noticed a woman sitting there, eyes closed, and her head sort of to the side. I thought something must be wrong with her. I told Bob I was going to check on her.
The light was red, so I hopped out of the car and knocked on her window,no reply, I knocked again harder, no reply, so I thought I will try once more and then I am calling 911. The third time did it, she slowly lifted her head, turned toward me and rolled the window down. I said"Mame do you need help?, she said"yes". I could tell she was crying. "Do you want me to call 911, do you need medical attention?", "No, I have run out of gas and have been here for awhile, no one will stop and help. I am having a really bad morning. I don't know what to do."
I looked in her car and could tell she was probably living out of it, so I said " We will turn around at the corner and my husband can help get your car out of the way. I will be right back." by now the light is green and people are wanting me to get back to my car so they can leave..
So, we turn around, it took a few minutes, so I was thinking, I bet she is not expecting us to come back. We did. I dropped Bob off at the corner, and then took Nolan down the street to his school. Bob with the help of another guy, got her car out of the street.
By the time I got back, the car was out of the way, and the other guy was going to get her some gas. She was very grateful, and didn't ask, but Bob gave her some money. She had been sitting in that car for an hour. She was at the end of her rope, when we came by. She had decided to sit there and think of a way to be "done" with it all. She had no hope, that anyone would help, or even stop.
It was amazing to experience this first hand, how our economy has drastically hurt so many of the working class people. Here was a woman around 38 yrs old who had been able to take care of herself, and then suddenly finds herself unemployed and homeless. But more than that she was hopeless.
I realized that I live a comfortable secure life, where so many are fighting to survive. I feel sadness that we live in a world where no one stops to help anymore. Every one is too busy to notice, when there is someone right next to them , screaming ,desperately for help.
I wonder how many people I have passed by on the street that are in this situation. Afraid, alone, depressed. How many of my own friends? family members? have I gotten so wrapped up in my own life to not take notice of what is going on around me?
In my neighborhood last year an older couple committed suicide because they had no way to pay their mortgage. They had lost hope. Yes, it is all around me. It is all around you.
It is time for me to live for something other than my self, other than my own self indulgences,it is time for me to start living self less . I am going to look around and see what the needs our in my community, and start contributing to the solution. I am going to live with my eyes wide open, not with my head stuck in the sand.
Each one of us making one small difference together, will make a big impact and give people hope, and encouragement. I never want to look at another person so hopeless again, so beaten by this world, and know that I have done nothing to help.
This woman, who was so hopeless, smiled when she said goodbye. I wish she knew that she gave me so much more, than we gave her. She gave me a new perspective and appreciation on life. She gave me hope.
I noticed all the cars just swerving around the car in a hurry to get where they needed to be. When we pulled up next to the car, I looked in and noticed a woman sitting there, eyes closed, and her head sort of to the side. I thought something must be wrong with her. I told Bob I was going to check on her.
The light was red, so I hopped out of the car and knocked on her window,no reply, I knocked again harder, no reply, so I thought I will try once more and then I am calling 911. The third time did it, she slowly lifted her head, turned toward me and rolled the window down. I said"Mame do you need help?, she said"yes". I could tell she was crying. "Do you want me to call 911, do you need medical attention?", "No, I have run out of gas and have been here for awhile, no one will stop and help. I am having a really bad morning. I don't know what to do."
I looked in her car and could tell she was probably living out of it, so I said " We will turn around at the corner and my husband can help get your car out of the way. I will be right back." by now the light is green and people are wanting me to get back to my car so they can leave..
So, we turn around, it took a few minutes, so I was thinking, I bet she is not expecting us to come back. We did. I dropped Bob off at the corner, and then took Nolan down the street to his school. Bob with the help of another guy, got her car out of the street.
By the time I got back, the car was out of the way, and the other guy was going to get her some gas. She was very grateful, and didn't ask, but Bob gave her some money. She had been sitting in that car for an hour. She was at the end of her rope, when we came by. She had decided to sit there and think of a way to be "done" with it all. She had no hope, that anyone would help, or even stop.
It was amazing to experience this first hand, how our economy has drastically hurt so many of the working class people. Here was a woman around 38 yrs old who had been able to take care of herself, and then suddenly finds herself unemployed and homeless. But more than that she was hopeless.
I realized that I live a comfortable secure life, where so many are fighting to survive. I feel sadness that we live in a world where no one stops to help anymore. Every one is too busy to notice, when there is someone right next to them , screaming ,desperately for help.
I wonder how many people I have passed by on the street that are in this situation. Afraid, alone, depressed. How many of my own friends? family members? have I gotten so wrapped up in my own life to not take notice of what is going on around me?
In my neighborhood last year an older couple committed suicide because they had no way to pay their mortgage. They had lost hope. Yes, it is all around me. It is all around you.
It is time for me to live for something other than my self, other than my own self indulgences,it is time for me to start living self less . I am going to look around and see what the needs our in my community, and start contributing to the solution. I am going to live with my eyes wide open, not with my head stuck in the sand.
Each one of us making one small difference together, will make a big impact and give people hope, and encouragement. I never want to look at another person so hopeless again, so beaten by this world, and know that I have done nothing to help.
This woman, who was so hopeless, smiled when she said goodbye. I wish she knew that she gave me so much more, than we gave her. She gave me a new perspective and appreciation on life. She gave me hope.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Scary Price!
Well, I spent four hours going from store to store to find my kids their "perfect" Halloween costume. I must be crazy because when I was little we used what we found around the house, and made up the character you were portraying. Now they have a costume for every comic book character, every movie hero, every demon and even every day house hold items.These were some that I saw today: a whoopee cushion, Adam and Eve, a baby on the back of an old lady,McDonald's french fries,ketchup and mustard?
Of course my kids want to be Star wars clones or the power rangers. I was only too happy to go and buy these for them, I mean every parent wants their kid to have the "cool" costume. However, I didn't plan on spending the afternoon seeking them out, to find them at Target for a whooping' 39.99, yep they were that much! What do you do? You have been looking for these particular ones all day, your kids have their hopes up, they are jumping up and down with pure excitement to bring home their treasured costumes and show all their friends!
So, I did what any good, loving parent would do, I laughed and said,"Are You are kidding me? I am not paying 40$ for a costume you will wear for one night, no way, you better hope it goes on sale!".
Then they both stop and looked at me with these big, sad, round, eyes filling quickly with tears. It was horrible, I felt so bad for them, but too bad. I am not paying that much for any costume, I don't even spend that much on my bra's~ so instead I said," How about we buy some gum, and I will keep checking the paper for when they go on sale". They were like, okay, can we get ice cream too?"..."Sure, why not?" I am still a great mother:) I mean ice cream before dinner, how cool am I?we left.
later: we are outside in the front yard, when Nolan tells me we have to decorate our house for Halloween this year, because we have been the lamest house every year! So they tell me to please by this witch and spider at Costco for the front yard, its only $249.99! yeah right!
Of course my kids want to be Star wars clones or the power rangers. I was only too happy to go and buy these for them, I mean every parent wants their kid to have the "cool" costume. However, I didn't plan on spending the afternoon seeking them out, to find them at Target for a whooping' 39.99, yep they were that much! What do you do? You have been looking for these particular ones all day, your kids have their hopes up, they are jumping up and down with pure excitement to bring home their treasured costumes and show all their friends!
So, I did what any good, loving parent would do, I laughed and said,"Are You are kidding me? I am not paying 40$ for a costume you will wear for one night, no way, you better hope it goes on sale!".
Then they both stop and looked at me with these big, sad, round, eyes filling quickly with tears. It was horrible, I felt so bad for them, but too bad. I am not paying that much for any costume, I don't even spend that much on my bra's~ so instead I said," How about we buy some gum, and I will keep checking the paper for when they go on sale". They were like, okay, can we get ice cream too?"..."Sure, why not?" I am still a great mother:) I mean ice cream before dinner, how cool am I?we left.
later: we are outside in the front yard, when Nolan tells me we have to decorate our house for Halloween this year, because we have been the lamest house every year! So they tell me to please by this witch and spider at Costco for the front yard, its only $249.99! yeah right!
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