Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Lamp Post and Beyond!

Today, Regan,Nolan and I spent the afternoon in the front of the house. They love to ride their scooters & bikes around the street with me keeping a watchful eye out for the cars that blaze past us. We live in a small neighborhood with no thru traffic and leaving me to believe that most of these cars belong to fellow ADULT neighbors, its unbelievable.
Anywhoo, when I scream "CAR CAR"(in a very loud voice that my neighbors loathe) they know immediately to go to the sidewalk and get out of the street(it only took once for them to not obey me, and lets just say again it only took once!).So they are very conditioned to get off the street.
Today, Nolan has perfected his ability to ride a two-wheeled scooter! Now that he can, Regan was less than thrilled to share it with him.
Regan likes to go down the street to the lamp post, it is just far enough where my voice is in range, and I can see her, but it is not right in front of the house which allows her some freedom,and a little independence.She also can feel safe that I am a few yards away, if she were to need me. I have been allowing her to go this far for the past few years. It took a lot for me to give her that inch.
I watch her go down the street,she is going as fast as lightening,the breeze from her speed is blowing her hair back,a smile is on her face, and I can hear her squeals of joy echoing in the wind.
I realize to her this is no ordinary lamp post. This is a beginning of her quest for life, her adventure into the unknown. This lamp post is a place that she can reach when she wants, how she wants. A place where she is able to stretch beyond the front yard ,a taste for what it will be like to go a little further, to test her boundaries. she Anticipates the possibilities, the challenges, and the adventures she may encounter. Her chance to be in charge of her decisions,responsible for her actions.How will she handle them? How will they shape her?
I watch her knowing one day, soon, I will need to let her go a little further, just out of my reach, and than out of my sight. Have I taught her the things she will need to know to step beyond the front yard, have I showed her how to be safe, have I taught her how to handle it when life is hard, but how to embrace it when life is great? Have I prepared her to stand up for what she believes in,love with all her heart, forgive quickly,forget quicker,and to always be true to herself. There are so many things I still need to teach her, and so many more that I need to learn.
She turns around, smiles at me with pride that she has accomplished her journey. She starts back to me,anxious to return and yet hesitant to leave her post.I smile back at her, amazed at her confidence, poise,determination, and I know that she is ready,she knows more than I.
I sit there in the silence for one nano second,before I hear Nolan say "Mommy, can I go down to the lamp post? I know how to ride on the two wheeled scooter now." I look at my sweet boy, knowing two things,one,I will have to let him go,he is ready to start spreading his wings,and two,I know that Regan is going to hate that he is so close behind her!
My children are growing up. It is bittersweet. I never tire of our days together.They are some of the best moments of my life.
As the afternoon was winding down. Regan says "Mommy, when do I get to go around the whole loop on my own?" I looked at her, I could see the longing in her face.I let out a sigh "Not today baby, mommies not ready for that, but in time baby girl, in time. But don't be in such a hurry, for now just enjoy the lamp post." and with that she took off one more time to the lamp post, for good measure. with Nolan right behind! Both screaming "To Infinity and Beyond"! but for now, just the lamp post!

2 comments:

Victoria's Secrets said...

Excellent writing. What a great way to explain the "letting go" process of motherhood. I loved this blog! With two married daughters and two still home, I can vouch for how fast the time goes and how quickly they want to grow up and leave. Here's the good news. They grow up and wish for younger days!

D's Mom said...

Well I am just happy to know that you still live in your house, I have not seen you in like..umm....4 days! lol You've been busy young lady! And I did not hear your big mouth scream "CAR" once Thursday evening! Miss Ya!