For Easter weekend, my sister Vic and her daughter came into town for a family visit. Today we spent the day with our mom. I should have known that this would be a day for great blog material. I was right. It started off with my mother inviting my sister to go and eat lunch with her. I was just getting home from an Easter Egg Hunt with the kids when Vic was leaving. She said, "Mom called. She's taking me to lunch." So I replied, "If she's taking you to lunch, it's Chinese and I'm going too. Cause if she's buying your lunch, she's buying mine!" (I knew it was "Chinese" food because she only ventures to one restaurant for the $5.99 per person value!).
When we got to our mother's house, the first thing she said, as she looked at me was, "I just KNEW you would have to come too!" When my mother took off her glasses, we noticed her eyes were swollen, red and puffy. Our first reaction was "Gross! What's wrong with your face? Who beat you up?!" Needless to say, she wasn't amused. She was having an allergic reaction to her 2 year old mascara! She said, "What chu think it is?" I said, "I know what you have! It's called "xactly" disease!" My mom's eyes widened as she looked at me in panic! She said, "Wuz that!?" I said, "It's when your face looks "exactly" like your butt!" Vic and I rolled on the floor laughing. My mom said, "Oh, sheet. You girls' think you so funny!"
We then left for the Chinese restaurant. The whole way there, our mom was bragging to us about the price of the buffet. She said she eats there at least once a week because of the price! As we walked into the restaurant, Vic and I noticed the variety of the buffet choices. Mom saw us eyeing them. She then quickly pulled both of us aside and whispered, "Don't eat the crab legs, it's extra! Oh, and eat slow so I get my money's worth!" As Vic, Mom and I sat down and finish eating, we tell her we're full. She said, "You two are hanorexic! (we're pretty sure she meant anorexic!) You two are too skinny! You need to eat more so I get my money's worth!" Mom then went back to the buffet and filled up a second plate. As she sat back down, she looked at us and said, "I'm so full!" We said, "Then, why did you get more food?!" She was determined to get her money's worth and make up for what we lacked. At any cost, including gluttony!
The waitress then comes to the table, asks us if we're finished and then takes our plates and silverware. My mother looked at both of us in shock. "You take the silverware off that other table and eat some more! Now that waitress is gonna be thinking, "oh, good, we make money off those people because they didn't eat enough!" Mom was irritated with us. The bill came. It was only $20.00. Mom looked surprised, "Oh, that's not too bad. I pay it. That's pretty sheep for 3 people!"
Vic offered to put a tip on the table and left $4.00 (20%). Mom said, "That's too much, Bikki! She didn't do nothing!" She then proceeded to take back $1.00 of the tip money and put it in her pocket!
It's never a dull moment when you go out with Mamaw!