We went to the park today. I forgot it is Spring Break, so the park was very full. I like to find a seat near the exit so my kids cannot run out without me noticing. Yes, mommy we know the rules, no leaving the park, if someone comes up to us scream "STRANGER" as loud as we can. They hate when I do this, I am never more than 2 feet from them at any given time and always have one eye on each one. Anyway, I got settled into my seat, DD in hand and ready to relax.
I see Nolan heading right for the swings, great, I am going to have to get up and go push! I was dreading leaving my seat knowing someone was coming to take it as soon as I left. Yes, lazy mom. I am still waiting for him to scream "Mommy come push me", I look up and there is my boy, pumping his legs all by himself! He is waving with one arm "look at me, look at me!" with pure joy and excitement displayed on his face! I was sitting in my seat with a stupid grin on mine, laughing and cheering for him. I had been trying to teach Nolan how to pump the swing on his own for a year now, and he just couldn't get the hang of it. He finally has. We had just had another milestone in our family.
At the moment I knew he had succeeded in swinging, I was overjoyed for him and yet, my heart sank, just a little. I realized that he can, and will be able to do a lot more things by himself. The days that he needs me will get smaller and smaller. He is growing up into an independent boy, and than a man.
I know I was dreading getting up and pushing him on that swing for twenty minutes, but now that I don't have to , I feel a sudden loss, I crave to push that swing just one more time. How I seem to wish my kids to be able to do things on their own, then when they do, I am reminded how fast time goes, their youth is only for a season.
I talk to mother's whose children no longer live at home, with plenty of free time, but longing for their children to be back home, when the house is full of laughter, noise and messes. I have decided, I don't want to have those regrets when my children leave, I want to know that I enjoyed everything and missed nothing. I don't need my "free"time now, I will have "too" much time, soon enough in the near future. I want to savor these moments, and remind myself to quit being lazy, read the damn book again, take time to listen to a joke I still don't get but pretend to laugh every time, act like I can't find them, when I know exactly where they are, and even though he doesn't need me to, I ran over there and gave him a real high push ducking under the swing screaming "UNDERDOG", if only for one more time!